Sugar, Carbs, & Self-Destructive Behavior

I may have gone a little overboard with the food in celebrating my birthday last week. It’s mostly because I never quite crawled back out of the “sugar and carbs” hole I allowed myself to fall into over the holiday season. “Just gotta finish off these cookies,” or “don’t want to let that go to waste” – two of the most self-destructive things I told myself when faced with all the cookies, breads and candy this year, and the thing about carbs and sugar for me is that they are very addictive to my palate and my body. When I eat them, I crave more. Even when I’m not hungry, my mind wants to find that next “fix”. I know some people can eat carbs and not have that problem, but breads are just as bad as cookies for me – I love bread, and I could easily eat myself into the ground with them if I gave myself the chance. My body will grab those carb calories and hang onto them for dear life in the form of fat cells, and that means I’m also dealing with hormonal issues (because estrogen tends to get stored in fat cells – the more fat cells you have, the more estrogen your body holds on to).

Due to this “just a little” mentality, I’m around five pounds heavier than I was in November and not fitting into my clothes as well as I’d like, my body thinks I’m trying to starve it every time I go for even just a few hours without something “carb-based”, and my skin is breaking out. To make matters worse, we indulged in Chinese Friday night for my birthday dinner, and now we’re both dealing with the fallout from so much salt (because there are always leftovers, and that means Chinese Friday and Saturday night too). Dehydration and carb cravings do not make for a pleasant duo.

Basically, I’m physically a mess, because I quit taking care of my body and just “gave in” to the temptations around me. My ankles are unhappy for some reason too – the burning was bad enough Saturday night to wake me up. I suspect that whether I injured them or if it’s inflammation for some other reason, they’ll probably be happier/more likely to heal quickly if I start taking care of myself again.

The main problem is, I have very little self-control when it comes to sweet snacks and breads. Today I’m wrestling with the fact that there are ginger snaps in the kitchen, and also a few pieces of leftover angel food cake. Do I just eat the cake since I’m already so far into the hole, or toss it and start the climb out? Do I keep the ginger snaps and do my best to ration them out reasonably, or just toss the whole tin and not subject myself to the daily temptation (I got them for free for spending $10 at the bread store a week ago). Ginger is good for inflammation, but they’re full of sugar too. I can put ginger in my tea and skip the sugar, which would be healthier.

I think the cookies are headed for the garbage – I can’t trust myself to ration them out reasonably, and I certainly don’t need that sugar “hit” making me hungry 20 minutes after I have one little cookie. As for the cake…well, that’s a harder one. I have sliced strawberries to go over it (I’ve been just eating it plain though, because…yum), so maybe I’ll set aside two thin slices to put strawberries over for dessert tonight (or maybe even lunch today, just to get it finished off), and toss the rest. I need to be snacking on healthy things like prunes and unsalted nuts, not cake and cookies. I need to get back to where I was before I allowed myself all of this culinary debauchery.

The weather is warmer, so Athena and I can get back to walking daily, and if I clean up my diet/bad eating habits, I should be back to a healthier state of being fairly quickly. Enough with the self-destructive behavior already!

More water and walking, less sugar and carbs. That’s the goal, starting…well, now.

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2019 in Review

Ah, the end of another year. No, I’m not going to do an entire decade in review, because frankly, my personal timelines tend to get all tangled up in my head after a year or so, and something that happened 20 yrs ago feels like it happened last week, and another thing that happened a month or two ago feels like it’s been over for years. Honestly, I wouldn’t even know how to get 10 yrs worth of “life” straight in my head, much less on paper. Things happen. We learn stuff, do stuff, and hopefully keep moving forward.

I do know that I published my first book and established Brazen Snake Books in 2010. So that was pretty significant, I guess. Speaking of which, I really need to update that cover and blurb…

In any case, last year, I had three major resolutions to work on (and a lot of smaller goals). The big three were:

1) Pay off one major and 2 minor lines of credit
2) Institute a one-paycheck waiting period for all unnecessary, un-budgeted purchases
3) Publish two books

Finances were very much at the forefront of my mind because I’d just done some major overspending, I was way behind on my “normal” bills, and I was very much aware that I really needed to get a handle on both my spending, and the lackadaisical way I’d been handling money.

I’m happy to say, I did get myself in gear, got tough with myself, did my weekly budgeting whether I wanted to or not, and completed those first two resolutions. It was frustrating and annoying a lot of the time, and as soon as I finished paying off those particular credit lines, I was hit with a whole host of dog-related medical bills I had to pay, and then dental work I had to have done, so that was even more frustrating/annoying (because I was on a roll, dang it, and wanted to keep paying stuff off!). But, even though I’m operating closer to my personal margins than I’d like, I’m in a much better financial place this year, with money set aside to be invested when I have the time and a tiny bit of savings (which I haven’t had in a long while), so…those were very worthwhile goals, and I’m still very much motivated to pay several more credit lines off this next year. Which should be interesting because we’re actually taking a vacation in the fall (like, a fly-out-of-state vacation), but we’ll figure it out.

The last goal was an ultimatum to myself to either “publish or perish”, so to speak. I really, really struggled with writing time for the first three quarters of the year. At the moment (and by “moment”, I mean “moment relative to the rest of my life”) my schedule…my life is just not really conducive to sitting down and composing/typing a bunch of words late at night (and there is no other time…oh man, did I try to find another time). I can’t think well enough early in the morning, and my brain was done being creative about three hours before when I sit down late at night after everyone else has gone to bed and the house is finally quiet enough that I can think.

I really thought I was going to have to consign this one to the “perish” bin, as in, don’t bother publishing anymore until after I retire. If I can’t get a first draft down, there’s nothing to edit, and ultimately, nothing to publish. It all starts with the draft.

Late this fall, I decided to try one more thing: dictation. I figured I’m awake and alert in my car, I’m alone, I can have it quiet, and I’m often thinking about story lines or things that would make a great story while I’m driving. I honestly didn’t think it was going to work, because while I talk to myself, I don’t generally “dictate” stories or tell them out loud, and it was exceedingly weird the first couple of times I tried it. But I reminded myself that no one else was listening (and who cares if the other drivers think I’m nuts), and that no one else ever needed to listen to the audio version – the whole point is to dictate and let the program transcribe the dictation, which I can then edit into something readable.

I can edit even when my brain is tired. Editing is much easier than drafting – it’s all critical voice, and that is what my brain is best at – being critical and fixing things. It can do that sort of thing in its sleep (and often does). So the more I dictated, the more comfortable I got with it, and I found that while I struggled hard to come up with even 250 new words late at night, I could dictate a thousand or more in the car just in 2-3 fifteen minute trips to work and back! And then when I uploaded the transcripts at night, I could sit down and edit, a task that wasn’t nearly as much of a struggle late at night after a full workday.

It’s a lot more work to write this way – because the transcription has to be edited into a “first draft”, and then a second round of actual editing to get it ready for copy-editing. But I can do it with the time and energy I have available, when I have them available, and it feels good to be making forward progress on stories again. I’ve written more in the last quarter of 2019 than I have in a long time, thanks to dictation.

So no, I didn’t publish any books this year, though I did write and edit a flash fiction story to send off with my Christmas cards. But I am going to keep writing and have a goal to publish some books next year, and maybe get this whole writing business back on track. I’m optimistic, to be sure.

As for my smaller goals, I got a few of them done, but I never put in place the infrastructure I needed to really be successful with them. I need to make calendar reminders and routines and in some cases, buy something small to make the goal easier. This year, I’m doing that.

More on that in tomorrow’s post on resolutions and goals for 2020.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

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Tools, Motivation & Forward Progress

I got my new laptop the week of Thanksgiving, and spent several days setting it up. It is *so* much better than my old one. We’re talking leaps and bounds. The bigger screen is nicer than I thought it would be, it’s quick and clean and “roomy”, and best of all, it has a true mechanical keyboard that is clicking happily (and audibly) along as I type this post.

The right tools really do make all the difference, and honestly, I *want* to use this laptop. I want to have it with me in the living room, where it’s in easy reach to work on a web site update or make some cover art, edit part of a story or even write a blog post (*ahem*).

Needless to say, having the right tool(s) is paramount, and this laptop is definitely a game-changer for me. Why did I not get this post done/up last week, you might ask? Well, it’s because I finally got motivated to actually start getting things done.

I’ve had a lot of outstanding projects going on lately, and while I still do, I decided it was time to quit letting those feelings of being overwhelmed de-motivate me.

You know how sometimes you have so much going on at home, at work, and everywhere, and every time you even think about making some progress on *something* (even just one tiny little thing), you get interrupted or derailed or…whatever, and more things keep piling up and not getting finished, until you just sort of hit that point where your brain shuts down and states that if you can’t even finish one simple little thing, there’s no point in even trying to do anything at all?

Yeah. That’s kind of where I’ve been for awhile now. Drowning in “things” that need to be done, things I want to do, and being constantly interrupted and derailed at every single freaking turn. It’s the most annoying thing ever in life, and I got to the point where I just sort of shut down and quit trying.

Then I went ahead and got this new laptop against my better judgement, and I decided to *take* the time to get one thing off my plate. Just one minor side project that I’d been working on for awhile now, and only had just a little bit left to do on it. If I could have focused, it would have taken me an hour, 90 minutes tops. As my life is at the moment, it took me several hours and a lot of irritation at interruptions, plus a later bedtime than normal (which actually turned out to be pretty normal for last week, unfortunately), but I got it done.

Finishing that project was a major turning point for me. I finished something! Anything! Done, complete, off my plate! I tell you what, it was such a relief just being able to finish *something* that I was downright giddy (at 1am, that happens quietly, but it does happen). I don’t know about you, but sometimes I need to prove to myself that I am capable of focusing and finishing things, especially when it’s been a long time since I’ve actually…you know…finished something.

Completing that project was the “re-proof” I needed, apparently, because I actually managed to get some larger projects off my plate last week, which felt phenomenal. And there are a couple more that I’m on track to finish this week as well.

Granted, I have had to be very focused, and sometimes very insistent with others that I needed time to work. I hate having to do that, only because I feel like people should just automatically leave me alone when I’m clearly busy. That never happens, but it would be nice if it did. I’ve also been giving up some sleep too…compromising between the 6 hours I want and the 4.5 hours I can’t really function well on anymore for around 5 hours instead. It’s not optimal, but honestly? The better mental outlook because I’m finishing stuff is worth a little less sleep. At least for awhile, until I figure out how to sneak the sleep back in too.

In my continuing quest to “get stuff done”, I have two smaller writing projects I’m finishing this week – one a story for an advent calendar (it’s actually done now, and yes, the calendar is late, but better late than never and one of the projects hanging over my head), and one a story for my Christmas cards this year. My writing projects have been suffering just as much as anything else, but I think I’ve found the (mental) problem, and I’m working on “fixing” that as well. More on that later.

I don’t actually know if any of this would have happened without the new laptop. Having a tool you *want* to use is so much more productive than having one that frustrates you every time you need it.

Like magic, of a sort.

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Impulse, Electronics & Buyer’s Remorse

I ordered a new laptop this past weekend.

I was totally not planning on doing that. I was going to wait until I could pay outright, not go into more debt (though honestly, it doesn’t even seem to matter at this point), and just make due with the one I have now for at least another six months to a year.

But somewhere between fighting the insanely mushy keyboard on my older Win 7 laptop that I only keep around for VPN sessions to work when needed (it’s got a bigger screen) and sticky keys plus jumping trackpad cursors on my current Win 10 laptop, I decided to go gander at “laptops with mechanical keyboards” on Amazon Saturday night. Just window shopping, I told myself. See what’s out there. Talk myself down from the insane cost of a gaming laptop (because that’s really the only way you can get a nice mechanical keyboard on a laptop), and reaffirm the decision to just make this too-flexible little notebook work.

It’s getting close to Black Friday though, and Amazon’s got deals for those of us stupid enough to know that we have a decent credit score and also those of us who don’t yet have an Amazon credit card. They’re smart like that.

And I, running seriously low on sleep due to the aforementioned argument with my mushy only-for-work-calls keyboard and my normal Friday night late (or early, depending on your perspective) bedtime, happened across a lovely little laptop with a bigger screen, mechanical keyboard, more hard drive space than I could ever need (and definitely enough to run dual boot linux/windows), and review promises of no bloatware, great customer service and a solid case with no flexing whatsoever in the keyboard deck.

Amazon said if I signed up for their prime customer credit card, I could have $160 off the price, and pay over time. I looked at my cell, which cost only slightly less than that lovely laptop, and thought…well, if I qualify…maybe this would make my life a lot easier. One computer to do everything, no more mushy keyboard, no more sticky keys or jumping cursors due to case flex…bigger screen…

I hit “apply”, got approved, ordered that laptop, and am now trying to figure out how to get the package that requires my signature on Wednesday while working instead of wasting a perfectly good Thursday off work while the new laptop sits at a distribution center somewhere because I wasn’t home when they tried to deliver. *sigh*

Impulse is bad. More debt is bad. I know these things. And I may yet feel some sort of buyer’s remorse when that first credit card payment comes due.

But at the moment, I just want my new laptop so I can stay home and set it up on Thursday while the rest of the country is being social and eating too much.

I’m excited. And a little concerned that I should probably be more remorseful, but…well…mostly just excited.

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Talkin’ Tattoos & Halloween

Tonight, I’m off to get a bee tattoo at Rise Again Tattoo. It’s a local shop that holds charity events every so often, and this past weekend, they happened to hold one to collect money for a fund that helps apiaries. I’m not generally big on charity events, nor do I get too excited about cheap tattoos (because with tattooing especially, you tend to get what you pay for). But I feel like this is a good cause, and I’ve been thinking I need a bee tattoo specifically for my Montana/nature sleeve in progress, so…I decided to take a risk. They were out of time before I finally stopped in, but gave me a voucher and an appointment so I could still participate, which was cool.

Understand, I’m not much of a risk-taker when it comes to tattoos. I normally have my tattoo work done by Andrew Hauck, owner of Ghosts of Grace Tattoo – he does good work with sharp lines, I like the way he interprets what I ask for, he’s fun to chat with, and also not uncomfortable to just be quiet with while he works. I was going to have him do a back piece for me last year, and then I couldn’t quite settle on exactly what I wanted stylistically speaking, and I decided to do the adult thing and pay off some bills instead of spending money on tattoos. If he’s still amenable to the idea, I’ll have him schedule me in for December to get started, now that I finally have a solid idea of what I want and why, and am kind of over the whole “financial adulting” thing for awhile.

The most important thing with Andrew is, I trust him. And tattoos are largely a matter of trust, if you care about getting a good tattoo. If you don’t, and just walking into a random shop and picking out a piece of flash to add to your collection is your thing, more power to you – I kind of wish I could be that person (it would make getting tattooed a lot less stressful, honestly), but I’m not. I’ve actually stressed more over this bee tattoo than I have over most of the pieces I have, just because the place I want to put it is right front and center on my forearm, and while I know most of the artists at this shop have good clean lines and sharp designs, I’ve also seen a few of the cheaper event tattoos from this shop (earlier events) that were…well, not the quality I’d want, personally. So it’s a bigger risk than I’d normally take – picking out some event flash (no, not the cheapest ones either – definitely at the higher end of the pay scale), and then trusting a new-to-me tattooer to make it look great.

So, we’ll see how it turns out. Fingers crossed, because there’s plenty of room where I want to put this little bee, and zero room for a cover-up if it somehow goes wrong.

There is another option, which is to go higher and use a spot on my arm with more room for a larger piece in an easier to hide spot. We’ll see which I’m in the mood for tonight when I get to the shop.

The other fun thing happening this week is…Halloween! Although it’s colder and snowier than normal, so it’s going to be…well, cold. But, it’ll still be fun to scare the kids daring enough to come out that night, and try not to blow a breaker in the process. I have Thursday off to decorate, hand out candy and tear down.

That reminds me – better charge my Zune! Yes, I still have one, and yes, it works great. Especially with our Halloween sound system that hooks into the lighting. A spooky night calls for spooky music!

Bees and ghosts are this week’s theme. Ghost bees? Hmm…that kind of gives me an idea for a story…

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I was in a tattoo shop this past weekend. I wasn’t getting a tattoo. I was getting a couple new piercings.

I’ve been contemplating these two piercings for several weeks – I’m not generally the type of person to go in and get any kind of body modification done on a whim. I’m a “plan-it-out, overthinking for weeks or months and then maybe finally get it done” type of person. But the one thing I did not think about was jewelry.

Generally you don’t have much of a choice in jewelry when you’re getting pierced. You have to use the jewelry that’s best for fresh piercings, which tends to be pretty boring. So I hadn’t really thought much about jewelry when I went in. I knew it would probably be either a fake gem of some sort, or a plain metallic ball. I’m not generally a person who wears a lot of gems. I did when I was in college, but I haven’t for a long time. Normally my go-to neutral is pearls (fake pearls, most of the time).

So when I was faced with the decision of what color gems to wear in my ear for the six to eight week healing time, my first inclination for the larger piercing in my inner conch was teal, and black seemed like a good choice for the other one.

Long story short, I let the piercer’s personal preference overshadow my desire for black and teal (to match my tattoo sleeve and also a good half of my wardrobe), and ended up with a light blue flower that I may wear again in the winter, and a bright royal blue gem that I’ll likely never wear again once the healing period is over.

My favorite color is blue, but I rarely wear “real” blue. It’s not good with my skin tone, and interestingly enough, the artist who does most of my tattoos recognized that right away. My sleeve was originally supposed to be black and a more royal blue, but he switched it to teal because the blue would have been too harsh on my skin. When I saw the colors, I knew he was right, and I’m grateful to him for recognizing that when I didn’t see it myself.

The tattoo artist has a better eye for color than the piercer, it would seem (which does kind of make sense, when you think about it). And I’m kind of annoyed that I allowed myself to be swayed from what would have been a great color choice in my ear to one I’m already tired of. It’s going to be a long 6-8 weeks of staring at that royal blue stone before I can take it out and get rid of it for good. Mea culpa, of course.

All this got me to thinking about how we perceive ourselves vs. how others perceive us, and how often that actually translates into us changing how we look and maybe even act to please others, even if it’s on a subconscious level. I know I’ve changed my appearance to a certain extent because that’s how someone else (or several someones) perceived me. I’ve also refused to change some things because no matter how much people wanted me to dress a certain way or be a certain type of person, I just…can’t, and am not.

For example – dresses and skirts. Lots of people, men and women, have told me I should wear more dresses/skirts. I look good in them, and people aren’t shy about saying they like them on me. Thing is, I hate them (or most of them). I feel incredibly constricted in a skirt – even a long one – because I’m constantly having to watch how I move and how I bend over or that I don’t catch a hem or that the hem doesn’t ride up too far…it’s a very high-maintenance thing for me to wear a skirt, and while I’ve tried wearing skirts and dresses here and there, it’s just not who I am.

But I did cut my long hair off pretty much solely because people kept telling me it looked better up. And I can tell you, without a doubt, that the short style has directly affected how people perceive me (for the better) and also how I act (which isn’t something I really want to admit, but there it is). I keep it short for that very reason.

Perception is a weird thing, and the lengths we will go to in order to alter or bend it to what we want is pretty amazing, whether we’re doing so consciously or not.

Deep thoughts for a Tuesday, eh?

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Slowing Down to Make Progress

We’re getting our share of the polar vortex this week, apparently. Though it’s not nearly as bad as the midwest got last week – more like normal “winter” here. So, while I’m not enjoying it (or having two restless dogs stuck inside for a good week), I’m doing my best not to complain too much. It’s a good thing I have extra eye drops at home. Nothing beats sub-zero temps with even colder wind chills to make your eyes water and then dry out even worse than normal while thawing. Ugh.

I’ve talked a lot about financial and routine changes lately, and something that is benefiting from the routine changes is writing. I’ve been a lot more disciplined lately (in a lot of things), and that has had the very good side effect of doing late-night chores a bit earlier, and getting back to my office earlier as a result.

Also, given the lack of ability to just “buy stuff” when I want to in order to do/learn/organize things, my mind tends to be more focused on the here and now, rather than what’s happening (or what I think should happen) in the future. I still plan, and still look ahead, but there’s less immediacy to it, if that makes sense (because anything that requires a purchase of some sort is not happening “right now” or even “next week” anymore…there’s a waiting period for everything).

Ironically enough, while I’m more conscientious about money and spending, I’m less concerned about…well, pretty much everything else. When forced to wait and/or plan far ahead for nearly everything, it actually removes a source of mental stress – there’s no point in worrying about or planning for something that isn’t happening anytime soon.

And that leaves me with more mental energy & head space to spend on other pursuits.

Like writing.

It still takes me a little while to get into a story when I sit down most nights, but that’s okay, because I’m sitting down earlier. I’m using my Neo, which isn’t optimal due to the darkish screen, but it’s easy on the eyes and the keyboard is a million times better than the one on my laptop. Not being on the laptop also keeps me away from distractions, though I do need to remember to upload my writing to the laptop once a week (which I keep forgetting to do). Luckily, the Neo does hold quite a bit of writing, so I won’t run out of space anytime soon. But keeping scenes and chapters organized is easier in my writing software.

One of my “indiscretions” back in November was to pre-order the Freewrite Traveler (I’ll be done paying for that this month), which is basically the modern version of my Alphasmart Neo. The screen is e-ink and not backlit, and the keyboard is manual with Cherry MX switches. It won’t ship until this summer, but I’m looking forward to it both for the lighter e-ink screen that I’ll be able to see better in my dim office, and also for the fact that it will connect to wifi and upload my writing sessions automatically (the Neo requires an old printer-to-usb cable connection, and acts as a keyboard emulator).

Until then, the Neo works just fine, and I’m really glad to have it. I don’t think I’d be nearly as productive working on my laptop and fighting the constant cursor jumps due to the too-flexible case (not to mention the crappy keyboard).

I am going to have to work on my computer set-up, but not until I get my longevity bonus this spring (May). Hopefully I’ll have at least one draft done and ready to format and cover by then. Whether I do or not will probably determine how much I’m willing to spend to upgrade my set-up. So, we’ll see. Lots of potential writing time between now and then.

I think my next feat needs to be finding some time in which I can edit, format, and create cover art for books. Time that isn’t normal writing time and also doesn’t require more screen time on weeknights, which means a few hours on the weekend, preferably.

I have a few ideas, and a book that needs reformatting (not to mention several that need new covers). If I could get the one book done by the end of February, I’d be happy with both the progress, and having a new time slot mapped out for that kind of work.

And that would be great progress.

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Poem-A-Day Challenge: Week 2 Poems

Our National Poetry Month challenge continues…don’t forget to check out Carol’s poems too!

This week, I tried to be more descriptive. Description is my personal writing “unicorn”, if you will. I’m not good at it for several reasons I’ll discuss once I figure out how to do so, but in the meantime, I’m working on it. These are definitely more descriptive, but some of them are still pretty rough around the edges. Not too bad though, methinks…

Saturday, 4/8: Spring Fever (also featured on the BSB blog – a prompt story)

Thick strappy leaves wave merrily
propelled by warm fuzzy bodies
under bright spring sunshine.

Happy tails move this way and that
sending the occasional loose petal
flying free of its cup-like structure.

Red and yellow dominate the field.
A pleasant breeze ruffles ear-fur and
delights busy noses that sniff and seek.

Is there anything happier than soft
wigglebutts and bright fresh blossoms
on a warm spring day?

Sunday, 4/9: Bookkeeping (because…taxes)

What have I done?
Slacked off here, left off there,
shirked responsibility.

Need to fix this,
but there’s so much to do.
Just want to chuck it all.

Promises, every year,
to do better than the last.
Never happens.

Maybe next year.

Monday, 4/10: Morning Noise

It’s so loud —
the six am meeting of the
finely feathered & famished.

Like old friends,
they greet each other with
soulful salutations & song.

The sun rises
and the joyous treetop choir
summons the sleeping to stir.

But…it’s so loud!

Tuesday, 4/11: Lost It

It’s gone.
I don’t know where or how or when,
but it was here, and now it’s not.
I can’t believe I lost it.

I seek.
At home, at work, the car, the bed,
it simply vanished, so it seems.
I don’t know what to do.

I pine.
It was so lovely, useful, perfect.
Not sure what I’ll do without it.
But I must move on.

I buy.
It will be shiny, new, and updated.
This one as perfect as the last.
Maybe even better.

Wednesday 4/12: The Dentist (because…fillings)

It starts with a “pinch”
to numb out the pain.
A brief, quiet wait
until no feeling remains.

The man in white comes
blue mask and gloves donned.
I try to relax,
put my best game-face on.

The drill starts to whine,
burnt enamel fills my nose,
my fingers clench tight,
water & suction whoosh through a hose.

Above me four eyes,
quarters are tight,
gloved fingers, small tools
and that big too-bright light.

My tongue tries to hide
from the chemical tastes,
and the bite of a tool
weilded in haste.

All eventually ends
and my head spins to adjust
when they tip the chair upright
and wipe off the dust.

A necessary evil
this nightmare routine
but it happens less often
with good dental hygiene!

Thursday, 4/13: Daydreams

A wisp of wind swirls through newly born leaves,
green grass swishes softly in a warm summer breeze.

Air fresh and sweet caresses her skin,
she closes her eyes as the daydreams begin.

The hammock sways gently ‘tween two big birch trees,
the afternoon’s quiet save the low hum of bees.

Restless, she shifts, dreams of her paramour.
Does he dream of her too, the one she longs for?

Her heartbeat is loud, her adrenaline flows,
the mere thought of his touch makes her tingle and glow.

It’s all in her head, a fairy-tale ode,
another time, another life, another untaken road.

She opens her eyes, watches shadows diffuse,
waits for the stars to wish for her muse.

Friday, 4/14: A Bad Day

The alarm was off and so was I,
that long and fateful day.
It’s been awhile, so I can scoff,
but things were really gray.

Late to wake and late to work,
nary a sunshiny ray.
A server was down, tempers were up,
and many a nerve set to fray.

Car broke down and dog got sick,
the money drained away.
Dinner was burnt, rain came down,
and left no chance to play.

TV was awful and so was the news,
all touting political sway.
Too fried to write, to tired to read,
but sleep was respite from the grey.

Thanks for reading…feel free to share your own poems below. And stop back next Saturday for another week’s worth of poetry!

Reminder –

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See you there!



This & That

There’s been a lot going on in my head recently, so focus is not exactly my strong suit at the moment. It’ll pass, it always does. But for now, a smattering of what’s occupying my mind for the dangerously curious (or insomniacs) among you:

– My new Pebble smartwatch works great for telling time, getting notifications without having to look at my cell, and alarms when I’m already awake. It does not, however, work well for waking me up. Dang it. It did work twice last week, and I think part of the problem is that I sleep on my right side, and unlike most right-handed people, I also wear my watch on my right wrist. Which means the vibrations are probably absorbed by my comfy mattress…

So I shall try wearing the watch on my left arm tonight (which will probably keep me awake, ironically enough). I ordered a metal band too – which I think will conduct the vibrations rather than absorbing them like leather does. We’ll see. Luckily, my cell has been working fine and not waking my husband up too badly in the mornings, so there’s that.

– Hubby and I need to get our eating under control again (can you say “proper portion sizes”?), so I really do need to get some menu planning and calorie-tracking going again this week. I know once I get into that mindset it won’t be a big deal, but it really is time & energy consuming when getting everything set up. It would be great if there was a tool/app out there that would allow me to track us *both* without two different accounts, but so far, I haven’t found one. If you know of one, I’d be grateful for the referral…

– A group of local authors/readers is starting up a Bookstore Co-op here in town (well, they started planning last spring), which I wasn’t terribly excited about until I heard that they hired a very experienced bookstore owner from another nearby town to come in and run the place, *and* move the tea bar from his bookstore here in a lessor capacity as well. You know I love books, and tea, and considering how successful the new manager was/is with his other bookstore, I’m excited now. He’s got a lot of plans to keep the place hopping, and I’m really interested to see how it all plays out. I’m planning to invest/buy stock in the venture, I’m just trying to decide how much. Yes, there are perks for both authors and tea-lovers depending on investment level…and I get my longevity check this week. Exciting!

– My to-do list for the yard and gardens is about a mile longer than the time I have/will have available this summer, so making priorities on that is difficult.

– I stayed up way too late last night listening to/buying music. I generally prefer to buy the album on CD if I want at least a couple of songs, to support the artist and so I have a hard copy if anything happens to the digital copies. But three of the CD’s I bought last night came with auto-digital-downloads, so of course I downloaded them, and had to listen to a few songs here and there, and make some new playlists, and…well, I would have been better off just writing this blog post and getting to bed. For the curious, I bought new albums by Rob Zombie, 3 Doors Down, Disturbed, Shinedown, and Theory of a Deadman. Good stuff.

– I’m itching for a new tattoo. You’d think the book I’m reading right now would discourage that, given that the villain is a tattoo artist who works in poison (The Skin Collector – Jeffery Deaver…slow in spots, but overall okay), but much to the contrary, I’m thinking it’s time to see if the guy who does my tattoos wants to tackle one of the designs that’s been stewing in my brain for awhile now. I’m sure he’s getting busy now (’tis refund time), but I might see if he has some time for a small one if he can’t fit the larger one in…

I have a tattoo shop mystery series waiting to be read too (courtesy of my sister who read them first).

– Lots of work stuff (nothing bad, just problems to solve & code to write), that will remain vague just because I feel like it should.

– There’s an art exhibit at the old state prison that I’d really like to see, but I don’t think I can leave the dogs overnight just yet. And the exhibit ends on June 30th. But maybe I’ll change my mind while there’s still time. We’ll see.

– I have three books I want to finish writing by the end of the year, two started, and I’m having a heck of a time getting back into a regular writing habit (though I did better last week, finally). Thing is, I really do want to write, and I enjoy it once I get into the groove, so to speak. But with so much else going on, it’s hard to sit and just…allow myself that simple pleasure. I’m working on it. I’m better when I’m writing, even if the writing goes nowhere.

So there you go – a peek between my ears, so to speak. With any luck, I’ll have some of this worked out by next week, and I can pick a topic to focus on!