What scares you about love?
I’ve never been afraid of commitment, though I was afraid I’d pick the wrong guy. Turns out when your guy isn’t sure he wants to commit, you have a long time to make sure you’ve got it right. I went into marriage with absolutely no cold feet whatsoever – I was more afraid of saying vows and kissing in front of people (embarrassing!) than actually being married. I’ve never once wondered if I made a mistake. I adore my husband to this day.
I do, however, have some fears when it comes to loving other people. Like many women (people? Guys don’t admit to fears often or willingly), I worry that the people I love will be hurt. I have a very vivid imagination, and when I get into a certain headspace, what I imagine happening to people really isn’t pretty. I’ll spare you the details. I try to stay out of that room myself whenever possible.
My other fear is the one most sane people don’t understand – I have a very hard time actually verbalizing “I love you.” My dear husband is lucky if he hears the words once or twice a year. I have an irrational fear that if I say the words, everything will fall apart. Some horrible accident will happen, or he’ll leave, or…[insert totally crazy idea here].
I realize that I’m giving the words too much power. That if I would just get over myself and force them out, it would probably get easier. My secondary irrational fear is that if it gets easier to say them, they’ll cease to have the same meaning. So I guess I fear taking the power away from them, and thus give them too much. Naturally, I have no problem at all writing the words – in a love note, in a card, with my signature. It’s the verbalization that hangs me up.
I told you it was irrational. If it was easy to get past, I would have already.
What scares you about love, or being in love? Do you have any irrational fears to confess?