Everyday Romance: Fear & Love

What scares you about love?

I’ve never been afraid of commitment, though I was afraid I’d pick the wrong guy. Turns out when your guy isn’t sure he wants to commit, you have a long time to make sure you’ve got it right. I went into marriage with absolutely no cold feet whatsoever – I was more afraid of saying vows and kissing in front of people (embarrassing!) than actually being married. I’ve never once wondered if I made a mistake. I adore my husband to this day.

I do, however, have some fears when it comes to loving other people. Like many women (people? Guys don’t admit to fears often or willingly), I worry that the people I love will be hurt. I have a very vivid imagination, and when I get into a certain headspace, what I imagine happening to people really isn’t pretty. I’ll spare you the details. I try to stay out of that room myself whenever possible.

My other fear is the one most sane people don’t understand – I have a very hard time actually verbalizing “I love you.” My dear husband is lucky if he hears the words once or twice a year. I have an irrational fear that if I say the words, everything will fall apart. Some horrible accident will happen, or he’ll leave, or…[insert totally crazy idea here].

I realize that I’m giving the words too much power. That if I would just get over myself and force them out, it would probably get easier. My secondary irrational fear is that if it gets easier to say them, they’ll cease to have the same meaning. So I guess I fear taking the power away from them, and thus give them too much. Naturally, I have no problem at all writing the words – in a love note, in a card, with my signature. It’s the verbalization that hangs me up.

I told you it was irrational. If it was easy to get past, I would have already.   

What scares you about love, or being in love? Do you have any irrational fears to confess?

8 comments on “Everyday Romance: Fear & Love

  1. Cynthia Schuerr

    Without letting myself get too long winded on this one, I will just say that I have a very difficult time trusting anyone, especially men. Of course, there is a lot of baggage that goes along with that statement and sometimes, I’m even ashamed to say it. However, I can’t seem to get passed it and it inhibits me from commitment and falling in love.

  2. Erica

    Love. Hmm. Yeah I get scared. I say it a lot; every day to my family and friends.

    Commitment is another thing. I have a problem with it. I’m married, but there are times I feel trapped by being with someone my whole life. He knows this. I’m sure there are several foundations for this. When I get talked off the ledge, I think I’m being irrational, but feelings are feelings. I think it’s natural to have some fear about love, if not, everyone would be perfect. And that’s not possible.

    Great, honest post!

  3. Meg

    Fear of loving someone who’s just going to betray me. So more a fear of getting hurt. I don’t trust easily either.

  4. Brooklyn Ann

    I think I’m scared of trusting someone just as much as being trapped. It took about 4 years for me to trust my man. I think that’s part of why I kept putting off the wedding.
    As for the “I love you” thing, well I say it several times a day, ‘cuz that’s how my mom raised me. And now my husband does too since I rubbed off on him a bit.

  5. Brooklyn Ann

    I think I’m scared of trusting someone just as much as being trapped. It took about 4 years for me to trust my man. I think that’s part of why I kept putting off the wedding.
    As for the “I love you” thing, well I say it several times a day, ‘cuz that’s how my mom raised me. And now my husband does too since I rubbed off on him a bit.

  6. Ardee-ann

    My problem is that is trust too easily. I am the “love” woman. I love people…period…end of discussion. I trust with a big wide open heart and love people to a fault. Then I get hurt but does that dissuade me, oh heck no, I get right back up and love someone else. It scares me that I give love so freely because people WILL take advantage of me but I can’t be anything but myself. I am a love child.
    I give my heart without reservation. I am loyal, loving and committed. I even forgive most of the people who hurt me. They have to hurt me really bad to lose my love and trust and then to tell the truth they only lose my trust and friendship. I still love and worry about them.

    Love is scary but for me to not give it freely would be a tragedy indeed. I think this world needs free spirits who love with all their hearts and don’t have to be loved back…we just give because that is who we are. I am sure I am not alone.

    I am just one of many wild free loving hearts who will tell you “I love you” and mean it.

    Deep Peace,

    Ardee-ann

  7. Jamie DeBree

    Thanks for sharing, gals. I find it interesting that trust is a common issue…even Ardee-ann who loves easily (I love that)says trust is one of the things that can be lost when someone hurts her.

    I wonder if men feel the same, or if the issues are different for them. Any guys out there want to chime in?

  8. Carol

    I’m one of those who loves easily, but I have to agree when you use the word ‘love’ too often it starts to lose its impact.

    What scares me about love? I guess being betrayed, which happens, but c’est la vie.