Murphy sez: I…am the greatest dog alive! Last weekend, I got a steady stream of treats for a good twenty minutes. It was phenomenal! One of the best days ever! And all because there was a ferocious beast in our kitchen…
Mica sez: Don’t you think that’s just a bit dramatic, Murph?
Murphy sez: Shush! It’s my story, I’ll tell it like I want to.
Anyway, like I was saying, I was just minding my own business out in the backyard, snacking on some tasty grass, and I decided I needed a drink. So I head back into the house and there it was! Right in the middle of our kitchen. It was tall and gray with yellow stripes and a long white arm that seemed to flail about for no reason. It wasn’t making any noise, but I knew it was gonna, so after I gave it the sniff test, I barked at it. J said I didn’t need to worry, but what does she know? She’s just a silly human – I had to protect her from the beast!
J went to the cupboard while I was barking – the one with the yummy stuff in it, and came back with some treats. She gave me some, only I couldn’t bark and chew at the same time. But then she stopped, and said that the beast was going to make noise. Noise! It made a weird sound, and then I got another treat. Then there was another sound, and another treat. Then it made a *lot* of noise and J actually *touched it* – she was moving the arm around and giving me treats with the other hand!
I wanted to tell her how dangerous it was, that she should get away and let me kill it, but my mouth was full and all I could think about was those treats. She gave Mica some too, but not as many as me.
Then the beast stopped making noise, and I stopped getting treats, but there was this long cord that J was wrapping around the beast and I couldn’t understand why she was touching that evil thing again! So I barked again, and barked some more, and I got some more treats.
The scariest part was when the beast moved…it moved, I tell ya! I was going to kill it right then and there, even though it wasn’t making any noise, but J just gave me more treats and she put it in a little room behind a door.
Why didn’t she let me kill it? And why would I get treats for not yelling at or killing such a horrible, noisy, ugly, smelly beast?
*sigh* Next time, Beast. Next time.
Mica sez: Oh good grief, Murphy. You barked at the vacuum cleaner and got treats for it. Sure wish I’d figured that racket out a long time ago. The first time I saw the vacuum, I was so scared I peed in the dining room. I didn’t get treats for that…
Murphy sez: Well, maybe you’re not as smart as me, Brother Dear.
Mica sez: At least I don’t smell like flowers, Little Dude.
Murphy sez: Just you wait. It’ll be your turn for a bath soon enough!
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