On Time, Confidence, & Best Laid Plans…

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When you work a day job like I do, you tend to get a little snippy when people don’t seem to “get” that being gone eight hours every day kind of puts a damper on the desire to do much else during the week, including socializing in the evenings. It also requires a pretty strict routine if I want to get anything else done…say, writing, or crocheting Christmas gifts and such. My normal work schedule is 9-6pm, so I also get off work later than most, which tends to cause some dissension here and there – because people expect that even if you’re gone all day, you’ll be available after 5pm.

Naturally, when you work outside the home and have routines and schedules and manage to get other stuff done too, you tend to wonder why those people who don’t work a day job can’t ever seem to get that same momentum going. Because isn’t it easier to get stuff done when you have all day to do it?

No, no it’s not.

If I weren’t on vacation from the day job this week, this post would have been written and scheduled before I went to bed last night. It’s around 11am now, and I would have showered, worked out, and been two hours into my workday by now. As it is, I slept in an hour later than normal, got my hubby out the door to work, drank a couple cups of tea, checked email and Facebook, read a few blog posts elsewhere, took a shower, and emailed a friend. So basically, I’ve gotten nothing done yet today and it’s nearly noon.

“But you’re on vacation!” you say. Yes, but it’s a working vacation, and I truly do have a bunch of stuff I really wanted to get done this week – writing and publishing stuff that’s hard to get ahead of with my normal schedule. The thing is, when I’m home, that sense of routine and urgency to stick to a schedule just sort of disappears.

Ridiculous as it is, it’s damn hard to get stuff done when you have all the time in the world to do it. The human psyche is incredibly odd that way. We crave order and routine, even as we rail against it. It really is a crazy thing.

In any case, having too much time isn’t my only issue today. I’m also having serious confidence issues regarding my next two book releases, something I rarely admit to publicly when it happens because frankly, I don’t want people trying to “make it better”, telling me I shouldn’t worry about it, I already do a good job, they’re sure everything is fine, yadda yadda yadda. That doesn’t help me, because I know I can do better, and until I satisfy *myself* that I’ve done as well as I can, all the well-meant platitudes in the world are just…annoying flies in my ear.

The thing is, I *know* what I need to do, and once I get it done, my confidence will improve (I really do have a healthy ego – too healthy, sometimes, but it serves me well as far as confidence in general goes). So it’s not something anyone else can give me or help me with. I have to fix it myself.  Unfortunately, doing what I need to do will take up a lot of the time I’d originally planned to spend on other things, and my best-laid plans are not only mislaid, they’re pretty much obliterated at this point.

Which is a little depressing.

In any case, wallowing won’t do me any good (and it annoys me pretty quickly), but accepting that my original plans are toast, letting them go and making a new plan will get me up and moving again.

So…lunch, a new plan, and then to work. It may not be the week I’d originally planned, but it’s still going to be a good, productive one. And that’s what matters.


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2 comments on “On Time, Confidence, & Best Laid Plans…

  1. Dolly Garland

    I hear you, because I feel the same way. When you are aware of our own capacities, and falling short of them, the last thing you want is people telling you that your substandard performance is okay. They mean well…but it’s frustrating. Oh well. Social intricacies.

    Enjoy the rest of your vacation – Jamie Style!

  2. Ardee Eichelmann

    Jamie, I hope that your new plans work out. I realize that you do desire and require structure. I am glad that this works for you but it doesn’t really work for everyone nor is it required by everyone. We are all different. We all have our own needs as we do not have cookie-cutter psyches.

    I am sorry that you feel that supportive remarks are nothing but “annoying flies” to your ears. Many people appreciate it when they receive a boost from others. I will try to remember that this is something you neither need nor desire. Like I said earlier, we all have our own needs. We are individuals and that is part of what makes life so wonderful.

    Deep Peace,

    Ardee-ann