I may have gone a little overboard with the food in celebrating my birthday last week. It’s mostly because I never quite crawled back out of the “sugar and carbs” hole I allowed myself to fall into over the holiday season. “Just gotta finish off these cookies,” or “don’t want to let that go to waste” – two of the most self-destructive things I told myself when faced with all the cookies, breads and candy this year, and the thing about carbs and sugar for me is that they are very addictive to my palate and my body. When I eat them, I crave more. Even when I’m not hungry, my mind wants to find that next “fix”. I know some people can eat carbs and not have that problem, but breads are just as bad as cookies for me – I love bread, and I could easily eat myself into the ground with them if I gave myself the chance. My body will grab those carb calories and hang onto them for dear life in the form of fat cells, and that means I’m also dealing with hormonal issues (because estrogen tends to get stored in fat cells – the more fat cells you have, the more estrogen your body holds on to).
Due to this “just a little” mentality, I’m around five pounds heavier than I was in November and not fitting into my clothes as well as I’d like, my body thinks I’m trying to starve it every time I go for even just a few hours without something “carb-based”, and my skin is breaking out. To make matters worse, we indulged in Chinese Friday night for my birthday dinner, and now we’re both dealing with the fallout from so much salt (because there are always leftovers, and that means Chinese Friday and Saturday night too). Dehydration and carb cravings do not make for a pleasant duo.
Basically, I’m physically a mess, because I quit taking care of my body and just “gave in” to the temptations around me. My ankles are unhappy for some reason too – the burning was bad enough Saturday night to wake me up. I suspect that whether I injured them or if it’s inflammation for some other reason, they’ll probably be happier/more likely to heal quickly if I start taking care of myself again.
The main problem is, I have very little self-control when it comes to sweet snacks and breads. Today I’m wrestling with the fact that there are ginger snaps in the kitchen, and also a few pieces of leftover angel food cake. Do I just eat the cake since I’m already so far into the hole, or toss it and start the climb out? Do I keep the ginger snaps and do my best to ration them out reasonably, or just toss the whole tin and not subject myself to the daily temptation (I got them for free for spending $10 at the bread store a week ago). Ginger is good for inflammation, but they’re full of sugar too. I can put ginger in my tea and skip the sugar, which would be healthier.
I think the cookies are headed for the garbage – I can’t trust myself to ration them out reasonably, and I certainly don’t need that sugar “hit” making me hungry 20 minutes after I have one little cookie. As for the cake…well, that’s a harder one. I have sliced strawberries to go over it (I’ve been just eating it plain though, because…yum), so maybe I’ll set aside two thin slices to put strawberries over for dessert tonight (or maybe even lunch today, just to get it finished off), and toss the rest. I need to be snacking on healthy things like prunes and unsalted nuts, not cake and cookies. I need to get back to where I was before I allowed myself all of this culinary debauchery.
The weather is warmer, so Athena and I can get back to walking daily, and if I clean up my diet/bad eating habits, I should be back to a healthier state of being fairly quickly. Enough with the self-destructive behavior already!
More water and walking, less sugar and carbs. That’s the goal, starting…well, now.