Articles

Sugar, Carbs, & Self-Destructive Behavior

I may have gone a little overboard with the food in celebrating my birthday last week. It’s mostly because I never quite crawled back out of the “sugar and carbs” hole I allowed myself to fall into over the holiday season. “Just gotta finish off these cookies,” or “don’t want to let that go to waste” – two of the most self-destructive things I told myself when faced with all the cookies, breads and candy this year, and the thing about carbs and sugar for me is that they are very addictive to my palate and my body. When I eat them, I crave more. Even when I’m not hungry, my mind wants to find that next “fix”. I know some people can eat carbs and not have that problem, but breads are just as bad as cookies for me – I love bread, and I could easily eat myself into the ground with them if I gave myself the chance. My body will grab those carb calories and hang onto them for dear life in the form of fat cells, and that means I’m also dealing with hormonal issues (because estrogen tends to get stored in fat cells – the more fat cells you have, the more estrogen your body holds on to).

Due to this “just a little” mentality, I’m around five pounds heavier than I was in November and not fitting into my clothes as well as I’d like, my body thinks I’m trying to starve it every time I go for even just a few hours without something “carb-based”, and my skin is breaking out. To make matters worse, we indulged in Chinese Friday night for my birthday dinner, and now we’re both dealing with the fallout from so much salt (because there are always leftovers, and that means Chinese Friday and Saturday night too). Dehydration and carb cravings do not make for a pleasant duo.

Basically, I’m physically a mess, because I quit taking care of my body and just “gave in” to the temptations around me. My ankles are unhappy for some reason too – the burning was bad enough Saturday night to wake me up. I suspect that whether I injured them or if it’s inflammation for some other reason, they’ll probably be happier/more likely to heal quickly if I start taking care of myself again.

The main problem is, I have very little self-control when it comes to sweet snacks and breads. Today I’m wrestling with the fact that there are ginger snaps in the kitchen, and also a few pieces of leftover angel food cake. Do I just eat the cake since I’m already so far into the hole, or toss it and start the climb out? Do I keep the ginger snaps and do my best to ration them out reasonably, or just toss the whole tin and not subject myself to the daily temptation (I got them for free for spending $10 at the bread store a week ago). Ginger is good for inflammation, but they’re full of sugar too. I can put ginger in my tea and skip the sugar, which would be healthier.

I think the cookies are headed for the garbage – I can’t trust myself to ration them out reasonably, and I certainly don’t need that sugar “hit” making me hungry 20 minutes after I have one little cookie. As for the cake…well, that’s a harder one. I have sliced strawberries to go over it (I’ve been just eating it plain though, because…yum), so maybe I’ll set aside two thin slices to put strawberries over for dessert tonight (or maybe even lunch today, just to get it finished off), and toss the rest. I need to be snacking on healthy things like prunes and unsalted nuts, not cake and cookies. I need to get back to where I was before I allowed myself all of this culinary debauchery.

The weather is warmer, so Athena and I can get back to walking daily, and if I clean up my diet/bad eating habits, I should be back to a healthier state of being fairly quickly. Enough with the self-destructive behavior already!

More water and walking, less sugar and carbs. That’s the goal, starting…well, now.


Support your author:
This House of Books (my local bookstore!) | Bookshop.org
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Smashwords | iBooks | Audible

Patches, Pins, Weddings & Work Clothes

Did you have a denim jacket customized with pins or patches or paint (or all of the above) when you were a teen? I did. I still do, actually. And I’m about to make another one, though this time it’ll be a black bomber jacket I’m embellishing.

Hubby wants to dress up as The Joker for the local art museum’s Halloween masquerade this year, so naturally I’m going as my favorite super-villainess, Harley Quinn. I was excited about the idea, but not about the whole suicide squad look (can you say “overdone”?), so I decided since it’s a masquerade party and a dressy one at that, I’d do a “she tried but didn’t quite make it” look that sort of bridges the traditional Harley and the newer-style Harley. Needless to say, there’s a ruffled skirt and combat boots involved, as well as a red sequin t-shirt and the aforementioned black bomber jacket.

It’s really just a great excuse to customize a light jacket for myself. I need a sort of “in between” jacket for spring/fall, and a light bomber will be perfect. But why stop there when I can put Harley, Joker and Poison Ivy patches and pins on it here and there to spruce it up a bit?

Now you might be thinking, “aren’t you a little old for that kind of thing?” And you would be…well, wrong. Because no one should ever be too old to celebrate things they love. And a fun Harley Quinn jacket is no different than a 40-something person wearing a sports-themed jacket of some sort. Actually, I’d argue the Harley will be far more fun than my Broncos or Boise State sweatshirts, and I like both of those (even though I don’t watch football anymore).

Why did I stop wearing my denim decorated jacket? Mostly because the fabric paint dinosaurs on the back weren’t/aren’t really “me” anymore (well, and I went through a “have to be a grown-up” phase that I think we all at least try to outgrow as we get older, because it’s boring). But I still love that jacket, and enjoy looking at all the buttons I collected back then. It was fun, and all of my friends thought it was pretty cool too.

So I spent a fair amount of time shopping for the Harley stuff this past weekend, and late Sunday night, the hubby and I remembered that we have to go to a wedding this coming weekend. A quick glance through my closet tells me I really don’t own anything “wedding-worthy” anymore (I have work, casual, and costume clothing). So it may just be colored jeans, a nice shirt and a professional jacket. Boring, but sometimes that’s not a bad thing. Or rather, that’s the appropriate thing. *sigh*

Speaking of boring, I’ve been wearing a lot of cardigans to work lately (keeps me warm, keeps the tattoos more or less covered when I want them to be), and I’m sick of them. I’m thinking maybe it’s time to break out the actual jackets with my jeans. Try something different. Look a little nicer, in a casual sort of way.

Heck, maybe I’ll even start wearing a necklace and/or dangly earrings here and there. Maybe it’s time to get a little crazy.

Or just…you know. Less boring.


Resolution Check-In
Sleep 6 hrs: I’ve been pretty good about getting to bed on time, but due to some vitamin changes, haven’t been sleeping well.
Hopefully everything will be balanced out again soon so I can sleep.
Goals check-up: No check-in (because I totally forgot), but I’ve been budgeting and overspending and acknowledging so I can re-budget, so semi-progress, anyways.

Writer’s notes for this week