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Weariness, Planning, Hair, & Granola Culture

I think it’s safe to say we’re all tired of the pandemic. I’ve heard from more than one person lately that they’re just tired of it all, tired of thinking about it, tired of the mask thing, tired of staying away from people. They’re ready to throw in the towel and go back to just living life normally, letting whatever happens, happen.

We humans do tend to have a painfully short attention span, unfortunately.

I’m tired of thinking about it too, and tired of masks, and constantly analyzing whether my sneezing fit is caused by smoke and fall allergens, or if it’s the dreaded Covid monster. I’m not really tired of staying away from people, but I am tired of having to think before going to dinner, or planning a night at the movies three weeks in the future – will our infected rates be going down or up by then?

But, I’m not going to stop taking precautions just yet. Yes, we have some very promising treatments, and the mortality rate has gone down quite a bit. We are less likely to die from it now than we were a few months ago, just because doctors and scientists are more informed, and have several really good treatment options they can employ right away.

Thing is, they still don’t know what causes some people to react worse than others to the virus, and the long-term effects are still a possibility for anyone. And frankly, I’d rather not put my body through that if I don’t have to. So as tired as I am of all of it, I’ll keep masking up inside and around large groups of people. And I’ll keep evaluating case loads and numbers before I decide whether or not to do something. Because it seems like the responsible thing to do, both to avoid getting sick, and to avoid giving it to someone else who may be affected badly by it.

If you think that’s “living in fear”, well, sure it is, to a point. I’m allowing fear to make me cautious. And in this case, I’m okay with that, because the potential threat is still largely unknown. That’s what our innate fear response is for – to keep us safe. I’m merely listening to mine, because it seems logical/practical to do so.

Last week I posted about focus and planning, and I’m happy to report that on that front, really good progress was made. Every night, I took 15 minutes and made to-do lists for work and home, and then I scheduled all the things I needed to get done (and could reasonably expect to do) for the next day. Not only did that make my entire day a lot easier and less stressful, I was far, far more productive, even with a million different interruptions. It felt good, and I’m definitely going to keep that up. It was so…refreshing to be able to just know what I wanted to work on when, and be able to kind of just put the rest of it out of my mind because I *knew* it was already scheduled, and that I’d left plenty of time to work on it, so it would get done and I didn’t need to stress about anything.

I did, however, fail to do any planning whatsoever for the weekend, and…that kind of hosed me up as far as productivity goes. I’ll be more mindful of that for next week, and actually schedule those planning times on my to-do list so that maybe I can have a little more control over my weekend as well.

As for my hair-growth project…it’s kind of stressing me out. It’s at the point now where it’s just going to be difficult to manage for the next few months, and my confidence is waning. I’m having trouble with the idea that it might affect the way I’m treated, both at work and in other social situations. I’m excited at the prospect of having more versatility again, but there’s this voice in the back of my head that’s afraid to just ignore what people obviously respond well to (my short hair, in this case), just because I want something different.

I just remember how things changed for the better when I cut it off, and I’m afraid all that will revert as my hair gets longer (especially in this stupid grow-out stage when it’s just going to be unruly).

We’ll see, I guess. I can always chop it back off, if I find that I just need that coiffed-pixie look again. When I cut it off before, it was mainly for other people. Now I’m growing it out for me, but I’m keenly aware of the perks that come with keeping it short. It’s…difficult to do what I want when I know that the option that serves me better both socially and in the workplace is something different.

I guess it’s like my tattoos all over again, in a way. And I maybe just need to keep reminding myself that once it gets past my shoulders, I can just wear my hair up whenever I need that “short-hair” boost, and then be free to leave it down for myself evenings and weekends.

Am I superficial for spending so much brain power on my hair? Sure, I guess. But honestly? I’d rather worry about that right now than all the other more serious things I could be anxious about.

For my next personal change of 2020 – I plan on buying some flannel shirts, and re-embracing the granola culture I spent my college years in. Not because I want to go back to college (definitely not), but because it’s comfortable, and it feels more like “me”.

I can’t decide if I’m “devolving” or “evolving” given that I’m basically going back to who I was in my 20’s. I guess the real question is, do I care? The answer right now is, not enough to stop. We’ll see what happens as the months go on.

Rest assured that whatever happens, I will never wear socks with my Birkenstocks. And I don’t even own crocs. I do still have *some* standards.


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Variety Pages – March 17, 2020

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Are you wearing green?! No pinching this year either way, I suppose. *sigh*

Alternate Realities: Animal Crossing

Springtime has come to Animal Crossing Pocket Camp, and I spent a lot of time growing flowers and catching bugs last week to get some very pretty and spring-y tulip themed items. I don’t have them up in my camp, because I jumped on the chance to use some of the themed items I got last year, but I may still add a few of them here and there this spring. It’s fun seeing all the bright spring colors and flowers…puts me in the mood for spring in real life, though that’s still quite a ways off – especially considering the snow storm we got this past weekend. There’s a fishing tourney going on this week, and even with everything that’s happening both at work and globally, I make time to play daily, just to get away from all the stress for a few minutes.

I’ve also been playing Animal Crossing Wild World, which was released for the Nintendo DS system in 2005. My husband brought home a DS Lite system someone at his work was giving away, and I wanted to play one of the mainstream Animal Crossing games before the new one comes out this Friday (yes, I have it on pre-order from Amazon). I was curious as to why most Animal Crossing fans were so down on Pocket Camp, and now that I’ve been playing Wild World, I can see where going from the mainstream game to the scaled down mobile game would be a disappointment.

But I also can see why Pocket Camp is scaled down – it’s made for people on the go to play in tiny bites, and for that purpose, it works well, in my opinion. All of this led me to thinking about why I love these games, and I came up with a few reasons:

– They’re absolutely adorable, which makes my brain relax and gives me a dopamine hit pretty much as soon as they load up, much like seeing my dogs.
– There’s a strong collection element to them, and I definitely have the “collectors” gene.
– I like making progress in them by helping the other villagers – being nice and helpful in these games is always a very rewarding experience, moreso than it often is in real life.
– I like connecting with other people that I know nothing about other than that they love the game as well. It’s fun doing what I can to help them meet their in-game goals, and having them help me meet mine. It’s all very socially rewarding without the actual in-person interaction, which seems like something that’s getting more and more important given current events.

Do you play? If so, send me your friend code (or ask me for mine)! Let’s play/escape together!

Puppy Pic of the Week

On Current Events

It’s impossible not to be affected by the Covid-19 pandemic these days, and I’m no exception. I’m lucky in that my job isn’t really affected or threatened by the measures our government is taking to try to stem a tide that will keep on moving no matter what we do. I’m also lucky that I’m an introvert who tends to eschew human contact on an average day, so staying away from people is easy for me (I don’t just take the stairs to be healthy, I take them because I don’t like being stuck in small spaces with even a few other people).

I also tend to be of a lazy “prepper” mindset when it comes to food and such, so we have plenty of food and toilet paper for several weeks…and we have that on an average day, not just one where people are going out in droves to buy crazy amounts of paper products, soap and beans. So while it’s an annoyance to find the shelves clear of baked beans/bean salad (and a little uncomfortable considering I need a lot of fiber in my diet), we aren’t going to run out of food anytime soon.

I’ll go to work until I’m told I can’t, except for this Friday, which I’m taking as a vacation day because…Animal Crossing. And also because I really, really need a day where nothing needs to be done, I don’t have to stress over some project at work, and I can just sit and let the stress that has my shoulder pinched in a very uncomfortable way roll off and with any luck, right down the drain. I need a break – not only from work, but from the world. Both my mind and my body need to just relax. Chill. Play with the puppies and wander around a deserted virtual island.

For now, I need to work harder on getting enough sleep. It’s the little things that will determine how or if we survive this: sleep, hydration, nutrition, relaxation. The basics.

Life is changing, and I suspect it won’t ever be the same as it was after we’re done. No matter how much we like to think we’re in control or give ourselves that illusion, we’re not, and nature is not kind or unkind, it just…is what it is.

Excerpt of the Week

The Pact

Michelle sat on the old, cold stone steps of the abandoned building, arms propped on her knees, head down, stringy blond blond hair covering her face. A black beanie hugged her head, damp from the rain.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting there. Hours, certainly. This was the address she’d been given and she couldn’t leave. Not yet.

There was a big clock tower in the center of town. It was old and simple, made of rough hewn stone blocks, with big copper bells that tolled on the hour, as they were doing now. Two pm.

She lifted her head and looked at the chipped address tiles again. Twenty-two hundred Barnaby Street. Just as her note had said. It had been 10 years since they’d made the pact. He probably wouldn’t even remember, but she didn’t have anywhere else to be, and this…well, this could be her chance. Maybe the only one she’d ever get.

If he showed up.


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