Articles

Health as an Investment Plan

I’ve been thinking a lot about health lately, what with hyper-focusing on calories and portion sizes and all the “stuff” one needs to pay attention to in order to lose weight. It’s also been on my mind due to the nightly walks I take with my dogs…time spent in the hope of longer good health for all of us as our bodies age (theirs faster than mine, of course).

I was also thinking about shares and stocks last week as I was purchasing shares in a local bookstore co-op, and looking at my finances in hopes of being able to invest more in the stock market soon. I’ve had a moratorium on investing for the last couple of years because our debt was just too high, but one of our bigger debts will be paid off in full next month, and while I’ll be rolling most of the money that no longer needs to go to that towards reducing other debts, I’d like to take a small portion and start investing more again. All with an eye toward retirement, of course. It’ll be quite awhile before I’m ready to retire, but I’d like to be at least somewhat comfortable when I do. My husband is eleven years older, so he’ll be retiring sooner, and it would be nice to have some extra money in the form of dividend income at that point as well, just to help take care of unexpected expenses and such. If you know me at all, I’m sure you’ve guessed that I’m a pretty conservative investor, which takes a bit more time than the high-risk sort of investing, but I haven’t lost anything yet either. Knock on wood…

In any case, I was feeling overwhelmed last week and trying to figure out how I could do more of the things I want to do by moving things around in my schedule, and also wondering why I don’t seem to have as much time for those things now as I used to, and while it’s partially due to social media (I spend entirely too much time just watching other people’s lives go by), it’s also partially because I’m spending more time on health-related activities. My first inclination was to try to figure out how to cut back on some of that so there would be more time for other things.

But from an investor’s point of view, that’s exactly the wrong way to look at it. Much like making smart monetary investments can be a boon for the bank account years down the road, investing time wisely in health-related pursuits can also pay off very nicely in the long run (we’ll all get sick/have issues as we age, but an overall healthy body will deal with those things more quickly & easily). I need to keep that perspective in focus, rather than focusing on how longer dog walks in the evenings or hours of food prep on the weekend or even just getting more sleep means less time for other things I’d like to do.

And I guess more than anything in light of my recent head-space, I need to acknowledge that I’m consciously choosing to make these things priorities. They aren’t being forced on me (though the dogs would have some serious things to say about cutting out their walks), they’re things I choose willingly as a long-term investment in health. And allowing them to cause me stress merely undermines that investment – stress is a killer, and distinctly unhealthy in most cases.

To that end, this week I’m going to seriously cut down on backlit screen-time outside of work hours. My corneas have been getting worse lately, so I need to do that anyways for health reasons (to avoid the sort of serious flare-up that had me on steroids when my eyes were watering 24 hours a day a couple years ago), but I think it will help me work out a better balance for other things as well, including writing (which I’ll do most of on my Alphasmart instead of my laptop, at least for this week).

Priorities change as we go through life, and at the moment, my main three need to be health, marriage maintenance, and work. Anything else I want to do (writing, crocheting, reading, etc) have to come after and fit in around those three things.

If I can hold on to that perspective, I think everything in my life will run a lot more smoothly. Or with less stress, anyways (healthier!).

Maybe I should put a buck in savings every time I do something healthy. Hmmm…

The Alarming Truth About Mornings

PebbleBacklight

My new Pebble Time Round – backlit.

Four out of five mornings last week started out on a less-than-great note, all because I have to get up quite a bit earlier than my husband so we can both be ready for work on time. I typically get up between 5:30 and 6am, and he gets up around 8 (though he has me wake him up at 7 in case he feels like working out).

I used to use a really loud, annoying alarm in the bathroom (which is across the hall from our bedroom) to ensure I’d get up and out of bed on time. We’re both night people, which means mornings are painful for us anyways, and I can’t tell you how much I hated that alarm. But it did get me out of bed quickly…until one morning it didn’t. And then it didn’t again, even after I replaced the batteries. And I had to find something else to use.

I started using my cell (left in the bathroom so I’d have to get up)…but sometimes after a particularly late night I wouldn’t hear it. Sometimes hubby would though, and it would drive him nuts that I didn’t get up and shut it off right away. So I started using the clock radio alarm by the bed (the beeping one…the radio wouldn’t get me up), and setting the cell as a backup (in case I hit the snooze button or worse, turned off the bedroom alarm and went back to sleep). That worked fine for awhile too, but I still don’t get up as quickly as hubby would like most mornings, so he’s stuck listening to the alarm that early.

Last week, one morning I didn’t hear it, one morning I got up early (dog got me up) and forgot to turn off the alarm by the bed so it woke hubby up (and he couldn’t figure out how to turn it off), another morning I just didn’t move fast enough…you get the drift. There was only one morning the whole week that actually started off in a peaceful manner. The rest sucked, and when your morning starts off all angsty, the rest of the day doesn’t have much of a chance.

Needless to say, I’d had enough after the third morning, and that night, I decided to try one more thing before converting my office into a bedroom and just sleeping in there during the week. I ordered a smart watch – the smallest, most basic model with good reviews that I thought would work as a vibrating wrist alarm. I thought the “smart alarm” feature sounded neat, so I picked on that would work for that as well. My new Pebble Time Round was delivered Friday, and I tried it out right away for Saturday morning.

PebbleEPaper

Epaper background – easy to see in sunlight, but a bit dim inside…

The “smart” alarm really isn’t smart at all…it runs through a third party phone app, and both Sat. and Sun. mornings it went off later than the “last possible time” I’d picked. Supposedly it can sense when you’re in deep sleep vs. light (based on your movements), but it’s not supposed to go past the time you pick as the last possible. So Sunday when I went back to bed after feeding the dogs, I just set the standard alarm on the Pebble itself, and it worked pretty well to wake me up around 10am.

So I’m going to try that this week – setting the pebble alarm to go off first, and then my cell alarm as a backup. If all goes well, hubby shouldn’t hear one alarm this week. If not…well, I may be shopping for a bed in the near future, as I’m kind of out of options. Fingers crossed – I’d really prefer not to convert the office. I suppose I could go back to the super-loud annoying alarm again, but that makes my mornings stressful too.

For those morning people out there wondering why I don’t just go to bed earlier…I prefer the night, always have. And late nights are the only time it’s quiet enough around here to get any writing done. To have a chance at “just waking up”, I’d have to go to bed (sleep) around 11:30pm, or even 10pm. Which would leave me absolutely no time at all for writing…or anything in the evenings, really. Just not happening.

Speaking of which, my “get ready for bed” alarm just went off, so I need to get this posted and head to bed so I can read for half an hour and then be asleep by 1am. Here’s hoping the vibrating alarm works well from here on out!

Blog Plan B, Trees, Organization, & Sleep

I may have been just a wee bit too ambitious with my “new blog schedule” a couple of weeks ago. Or a lot. But hey, I had good intentions. I just don’t really have the follow-through with some things (as in – things that aren’t absolutely necessary for a paycheck or continued breathing). By which I mean, I’m routinely lazier than I plan to be.

But hey, third time’s the charm, which means I have one more chance to fail before I get this right for the year. Let’s just assume I’m going to botch this, but here’s the new, improved, somewhat less ambitious blogging plan:

Monday: Whatever happens to come to mind.
Tuesday: Something about writing on the writing blog (crazy, I know)
Friday: Something on my alter-ego’s thriller/horror blog

And that’s it. Three posts, three blogs. But what if I don’t screw it up? The universe may well implode, I suppose. We’ll see.

In other news…it’s way, way too spring-like around here, which would be great if I wasn’t afraid that a March cold snap will eventually kill everything that’s starting to grow when it should still be sleeping. Like our baby maple trees. One tree survived the deep freeze last winter, and the other two were planted last summer. They have buds, but they shouldn’t even be awake yet! Stupid weather.

I did, of course, take advantage of said weather this past weekend and aired out the dog bed “innards” on the back patio while the covers were in the wash. Mica won’t use actual pillow-like dog beds…they freak him out for some reason. But assuming whoever joins our little pack next leans more toward “normal” canine behavior, I’m sure they’ll get good use out of these.

A lot of early spring cleaning went down, and while I was washing down walls and such, I also replaced the old dog bowl stands and bowls, and hung hooks on our coat closet door for leashes & collars. I do love good, clean organization. There’s something very soothing about having things all neat and in a “proper place”. Efficient, too.

One of my resolutions this year was to read daily. I’ve been doing that by making sure I’m in bed by midnight every night, so I can read for half an hour, and then be asleep by 1am. I’ve only missed a few nights this year, and I regretted it both times. It’s weird, but I really can tell the difference between going to bed at 1am, and being asleep by then, even though it never takes me long to actually fall asleep.

At first, I felt like I was “giving up” time I could be using to be productive. But honestly? I was never productive that late anyways…I just felt like I was because I was up and in front of the screen. Funny how we lie to ourselves, isn’t it?

I’ve actually finished off several books this year already, plus I’m more rested during the day, which helps me at work. I’m quite sure that if I could add another 60 minute sleep cycle in there, I’d be even more rested and productive. But…I can’t bring myself to go to bed *quite* that early. It just doesn’t seem right, night owl that I am. So until I can sleep later (retirement), 4.5 hours during the week it is (I sleep until around 9am on the weekends, which is glorious).

I see you yawning over there…we’ll just pretend you’re tired, and not bored, K? 😉

Oh – and Happy Leap Day!


 

Enjoy this post? Support your author:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords
Audible | iTunes

2016: The Year of Threes

I have a lot of things I want to accomplish and improve on in the next year. And when I first wrote out my list of resolutions, it was pretty long. I looked at it, and decided to distill everything down into three sections (personal, writing, and work), with just three goals each for the year. Anything I accomplish or change outside of that is just gravy, so to speak. And I have, in fact, already made some changes not on my lists that mean (among other things), that I had more time on Sunday to get this blog post written and scheduled.

I’ve also started changing my attitude towards certain aspects of my life – it’s a process, but since I’ve started that shift (with my vacation in mid-December), my head has been a lot more clear, and life in general has felt much less overwhelming. My main goal for 2016 is to keep it that way as much as possible.

Leaving out the work list (because it just doesn’t need to be public), here are my personal and writing resolutions for this year:

Personal
– Read *every day*, even if just for 10-15 minutes.
– Treat hobbies with the respect they deserve.
– Engage in more analog, tactile activities

Writing
– Write three novels in 2016 (I have them chosen)
– Write eight short stories: two per quarter for each pen name (just writing under two this year)
– Focus on just two drafts at any one time (one novel, one short)

Last year, I was so focused on meeting my writing obligations that when I was on vacation and tried to remember the last time I’d picked up a book, I couldn’t. Reading is my escape, even if it’s only for a few minutes a day. It’s one of the few things that pulls me out of my own head, makes me stop thinking about my own life, and forces me to live in the mind and life of someone else for a little while. And I underestimated the importance of that to my mental well-being. Ever since my vacation, I’ve made a point to drop everything – even writing – by midnight and go to bed so I can read for half an hour before sleeping (the only time I’m guaranteed to get). And my mental state has improved significantly just by making that one little change.

One other thing I found I was doing was making hobbies into “mini-jobs”. Whether it was crochet/knitting, or comic books, or stamp collecting, I was getting to where I felt guilty for not making/finding time for them, but also guilty if I *did* indulge because I should be doing other things – stuff for the writing business, or writing, or housework, or whatever. So I felt like I “should” work on them, but always felt bad when I actually did. Not healthy.

This year, I’m going to engage in my hobbies guilt-free. It’s healthy to explore a variety of interests, and I don’t want to stifle that just because I feel guilty that something else has to wait. My hobbies will all have a weekly spot on my schedule where I can work on them if I want (or not, if I don’t feel like it that day). No obligation, and no guilt.

I should note that for priority purposes, my writing is going to “major hobby” status in my brain this year, rather than “second business”. I’m done feeling guilty for working on other things because I “should” be writing (or working on something regarding writing/publishing). My writing doesn’t have to pay the bills, and since I like my job, there’s no reason to saddle my writing with the responsibility of making money. It’s fun, and that’s why I want to do it. It’s okay to write as a hobby. It took me awhile to be okay with that attitude.

Writing does help to keep me mentally healthy though – I get a bit angsty/anxious when I don’t write. So writing is a higher priority hobby, and has a set spot in my schedule Monday through Friday. But business is not fun for me, it’s work, and worse, work I don’t want to do. Writing is great fun. I have no need to make writing pay, therefore I’m going to pay far more attention to what’s “fun” than what’s not.

My writing goals are there more to give myself limitations, rather than give myself deadlines. I love writing so much and have so many ideas that I tend to tackle way, way too many projects all at once, which is part of why I was in such a pickle with it last year. It ceased to be fun, and became just another obligation. My three resolutions are there to rein myself in, so I keep it fun, rather than trying to do too much.

As far as engaging in more analog/tactile activities – it all started with a pack of Harley Quinn cards my husband gave me last month. I decided to play a game of solitaire with them – and found it the most relaxing few minutes I’d spent in a long while. Played a game of solitaire on the computer to compare…and it wasn’t nearly as relaxing. Even though I have a touch screen, there’s still something about being physically engaged with an activity – turning over cards or puzzle pieces, turning pages, writing by hand – that is …well, just so much different than interacting with a computer for the same tasks.

While I have zero intentions of giving up my computers/gadgets/ebooks/computer-based job, I did notice a definite mental downshift when playing solitaire with an actual deck of cards on my ottoman, or working on a jigsaw puzzle laid out on our dining room table. There’s something about the tactile experience that forces me to focus, to engage more with the task, and to let go of all the other things swirling about in my head. Crochet/knitting are similar, along with my stamp collecting hobby, or reading print books/comic books.

More tactile activities seem to keep me out of that overclocked-overstimulated frame of mind that is so deadly to my daily outlook and attitude. So I plan to make a point of setting the screen aside more in the evenings/on weekends, and doing more analog/tactile tasks, even if I’m just “playing”. Good for the brain. Also, good for dexterity. Win-win!

There will be challenges this year, and things I don’t want to deal with, but I think sticking to these few basic “ground rules” will keep me on a mostly even keel no matter what I have to deal with. And that should provide a good basis for the other changes I want to make as I work my way through another calendar (and planner).

Hittin’ the Reset Button

It’s been awhile since I took a vacation from work – over a year, as a matter of fact. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but it’s been a seriously crazy year both personally and professionally, and I’m taking the whole week off just to regroup and get my head back on straight. Or as straight as it ever is, anyway. Murphy’s Law being what it is, there are a zillion things I could allow myself to be dragged into and distracted by, but I’m holding firm, and declining any obligations or invitations other than what I truly *want* to do. Honestly, I may not leave the house Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Friday at all.

Wednesday afternoon I’m giving myself a Christmas gift – a new tattoo. It will be on my left forearm, which means my week is naturally sort of dividing itself into “things I want to do before my arm is swollen and sore” and “things I can do without using my left arm much”.

Needless to say, the first half of my week will include a bunch of crocheting I’d like to get done (and some movies, while I’m at it). The second half will include reading my way through my comic book backlog, finishing off a novel and starting another one. I have some writing and editing I’ll work on the first half of the week as well. Maybe even the second half, if the swelling isn’t too bad.

Anyone who knows me well knows I have a lot of different interests, many of which I really want to pursue “right this second”. I used to be able to get away with spreading myself pretty thin, but things change, “life” changes, and priorities have to change along with everything else. It’s just the way things go. I’ve been doing a *great* job of stressing myself out with all the things I want to do, vs. the things I need to do, vs. the things I feel like I need to do for health or other “noble-sounding” reasons.

The stressing out needs to stop, and the only real way to make that happen is to decide what’s most important to me, set the rest aside (even if it’s just for now), and make sure that what I keep doesn’t exceed the time and mental energy I have available. Easier said than done, in some cases, but I’ve already made some progress on that this weekend, so I’m optimistic.

I also need to get back to regular daily workouts. I’ve done well with keeping up the morning yoga, but my nightly workouts (and daily stair-climbs) have been completely tossed aside. And I wonder why the stress is getting to me…

Now, for my first stress-free, Monday vacation act, I shall sleep in (it’s around 1am as I type). And it will be glorious.

 

Word Cassaroles

Least you forget, since I seem to talk about everything but writing here lately and I’ve published exactly…um…nothing this year (I don’t think…it’s been a long year), I am actually a writer when not doing web dev or DBA duties. By which I mean to say, I generally write at least a little bit of fiction five days a week or so, prodded along by my writing partner/editor/best buddy via daily emails. Yesterday, for example, I wrote 154 words. A paltry amount, but it all adds up eventually. And I’m close to finishing another couple of drafts this year, though I have my doubts as to whether I’ll publish any of this year’s stories.

Why waste all that time writing books that will never be published? I actually don’t consider it a waste – more like practice. And who knows? I might let them sit for awhile, re-read them in a month or so and decided to stick them up for sale after all. Hard to say at this point when I just want them done so I can move on. Like, yesterday.

The thing is, I’ve been pretty down on my writing for the past year or so, mostly because I know it’s missing…something(s), but I wasn’t quite sure what that “something” is. I mean, there are the obvious things, like more/better description or tighter phrasing, or less comma-splicing, or more semi-colons (kidding! Semi-colons are evil. Like salt. Use only when absolutely necessary!), but if you like to cook like I do, and you don’t often use a recipe (like me), then you know what I’m talking about. You start throwing stuff in the pan because it sounds like a good mix in your head, and as it cooks, you keep adding things and tasting and adjusting and tasting and sometimes when it’s done and you’re sitting down to eat, there’s still something missing. Some flavor profile that needs to be rounded out, or something that’s just a little off for whatever reason, but you can’t quite put your tongue on just exactly what the problem is, so to speak.

Every bite you take sort of teases your palette with that “missing something”. Sometimes you know what it needs by the time the meal’s over, and you can rejoice and “fix” it next time. Sometimes you have to make the dish a few more times, adjusting this or that, and then one day, you’re cooking and tasting and throwing stuff in and it suddenly just hits you – that exact ingredient that was missing all along.

The thing is, the missing ingredient is going to be different for every dish, and depending on what it is, it might change the cooking time, or the temperature, or the method of cooking, or any number of variables, and while you sort of inherently “know” where to start and more or less how to proceed and adjust once you’ve been cooking for awhile, the more different flavors you taste and experiment with, the more complex your dishes become, and the more attuned you are to what might round out the overall palette better.

Basically, the more foods/spices/flavors you taste, the more sophisticated your own palette becomes, and the more you *notice* what might be missing – or maybe not even missing, but just what might make the dish better than its simpler counterpart. Not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with the simpler version, but the more complex one might appeal to more people. The difference between “good” and “mouthwatering”. When you’re the cook, it sometimes takes awhile to recognize the difference, because “good” is often good enough to satisfy.

So it goes with writing, in my experience. The books I’ve published so far (with a couple exceptions) have been “good enough” to be satisfying to me, and to at least a few other people who have read them. But this past year, I’ve really been thinking “this needs something more” as I write, and wracking my brains trying to figure out what that is, and it’s only really been the past month or so that I feel like I’m finally starting to figure it out – what each story needs to be *better* than the one I originally started telling. More complex and sophisticated than “beginner level” writing. Honestly, it really has been one of those “one day it’s not there, the next day it is” sort of things. Annoying, but whatever works.

It’s a different thing for each one, so I can’t even really quantify it, which is why I can’t really explain it (and why no one could really explain it to me). But this, I think, is what the “experts” mean when they say you have to write a million (or whatever the current metric is) words before you can *really* start writing. And you just…don’t know what’s missing until you see it and you don’t see it until one day you just “do”, which makes no sense and is very frustrating…until you’re there.

I think that growth like this tends to happen in spurts, and when it happens in one section of your life, it’s more likely to happen in others as well (which sucks, to be blunt). Maybe because that’s just the mindset you happen to be in at the time. This year I’ve made a lot of changes in several areas of my life (many because there didn’t seem to be a better choice at the time), so it kind of makes sense that writing would get caught up in that “change cycle” as well. It’s always painful going through it, but it’s necessary for growth.

All that said, I’m kind of excited about my new “discoveries”, and even though it’s going to require yet more change, I’m okay with that, because I see the potential ahead. The worst thing is knowing something needs to change, but not knowing “what”. Finally figuring that last piece of the puzzle is empowering because you (I) can finally make a plan to move forward.

My biggest frustration now is trying to tie up all my “loose ends” so I can start working on that new plan. It’s going to be a couple more months, unfortunately. But the end is in sight, thank goodness.


Enjoy this post? Support your author:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords
Audible | iTunes

Of Halloween, Wardrobes & Everyday Masks

I love fall-back weekend. I love standard time, and early darkness, and the early end to all that extra activity that daylight stimulates. Don’t get me wrong – the light has it’s place, and I need it too, but I’m extraordinarily fond of nighttime and the darkness.

A good vampire, I’d make. Probably.

In any case, Happy Belated Halloween to all of you. I left work a couple hours early on Friday and helped Hubby put some decor in the yard, and then Saturday we spent all morning watching it rain on and off, and all afternoon finishing up the yard decor, rain be damned. By 5:30pm, we’d consumed half of our jack-o-lantern pizza and were ready for kiddos. It was kind of disappointing, because we only got 47, all told, and we have a *ton* of candy leftover that will have to go to workplaces or the bar on Weds night – it’s not staying here!

Sunday after the normal grocery shopping and donut consumption rituals, we cleaned up the yard and pulled everything back inside, which only took a couple of hours. Of course the workout room is unusable at the moment, but we’ll spend our workout time tonight cleaning it up and putting everything away. We really need to sort through all of it and give what we’ll never use again away, but I don’t want to spend that much time on it just now. Priorities, you know.

No, I didn’t dress up. I never do…there’s always way too much to do to get the yard ready, and not enough time to costume myself. Story of my life, really – clothes are kind of a pain in the butt, so I tend to stick with a few basic styles and wear those over and over. It’s boring, but it’s easy, and when you love mornings as much as I do (*ahem*), you don’t want to be making a whole lot of decisions before breakfast.

But like I said, it’s boring. So Friday night, just after payday and before I paid bills (living dangerously!), I went shopping online. You have to understand – shopping for clothes in any way, shape or form, is really my least favorite activity. So I have to force myself, even online (t-shirts are exempt. It’s embarrassing how fast I’ll click “buy now” on a fun or funny t-shirt). Several hours later, I hit the confirm order button on four new (all different) light sweaters (so wearable in 3 seasons), a new pair of ankle boots suitable for winter, and a new pair of slippers (mine have been dead and gone for nearly a year – I really needed a new pair).

Clothes really shouldn’t cost so much, dang it. But the majority of my current wardrobe is nearly a decade old. It’s all classic, so it doesn’t go out of style, but a lot of it’s faded and looking pretty worn, so I need to make a concentrated effort to turn most of it over a piece or two at a time. Thank God for online shopping. If I had to actually go to the store, it wouldn’t happen at all.

Of course with the costuming and my own wardrobe “issues”, it kind of made me think about masks and costumes and presenting different parts of our personality as dominant depending on who we’re with and what context we’re currently in. My wardrobes for work and “everyday” life rarely cross…aside from Fridays when dress is generally more casual (though I’m still careful about what shirts I wear – no t-shirts with quippy-yet-mildly insulting quotes on the front, of course). I was thinking that my own rather reserved “work mask” was just that…something for work, but in thinking about it further, it’s really not. It’s more of my “other people” mask, whether they’re at work or not, and no matter what clothing I happen to be wearing at the time. Truth is, it takes a long time before I trust people enough to open up past that “cool & reserved” persona, and that’s true everywhere, not just with people I work with/around.

The realization was kind of a relief, honestly. I am who I am, no matter where I am. And that’s how it should be.


Enjoy this post? Support your author:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords
Audible | iTunes

Of Newsletters, Future Plans & The Writer’s Desk

First, I should apologize for the lateness of the latest newsletter. I got more than a little backlogged this summer, and also a little too stubborn for my own good about how and when things should be done vs. when they could be done. It’s a bug, not a feature, and I’m working on it. In the meantime though, the next installment of Shadow in the Stacks is done, and should be in your inboxes by tomorrow morning. Thanks for being patient.

Part of avoiding issues like late newsletters and such is making better plans and sticking to them. Plans that leave me a lot of leeway to get things done and still live my life. I’ve been pushing too hard, and for what? I have no intention of leaving my job (because I like it, and steady paychecks), so my books don’t need to pay the bills, and aside from some audiobooks that I have an obligation to do what I can to sell, there isn’t anything that says I have to hurry up and write as many books as possible and make a bunch of money or build the biggest newsletter list or whatever. I am my own worst enemy here, and relieving the stress I’ve put on myself is really quite simple – I just need to slow down.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I write, and what I want to write. And my focus next year is going to be quite different than it has been. I’m going to take a break from contemporary romance and romantic suspense for awhile, and my erotic romance pen name will be stepping back as well. Instead, I’ll be focusing on a youth/young adult action/adventure series, the steampunk-style-fantasy novel I have in progress, and more work for my suspense alter-ego.

I’ll be writing just three books next year (as opposed to the 7 drafts I have in progress at the moment), and any leftover time I find myself with will be spent editing and doing the business-y stuff that comes with (or should come with) publishing and selling books. I’ve neglected the business side of things for too long, and that’s a source of stress as well, so I will leave myself plenty of time to work on that next year.

Just coming to that decision has been a major stress-reliever for me. I still have to finish the drafts I’m working on, but once they’re done, the pressure’s off (those drafts are what I’ll be editing/publishing next year). I feel good about that.

There are some other things I’m still waffling about, but I’m happy with this decision to slow down overall, and just focus on a few key genres.

The other thing I’m going to do, starting right away, is to update my writing journal every weeknight before I go to bed. I’m also going to go over my daily schedule/plans for the next day before bed, which is something I should be doing anyways, and I tend to be lazy about. My writing journal, for those who don’t know, is called The Writer’s Desk, and I’ll be starting the nightly updates late this evening (like, really late – between 11pm and midnight). I’ll be including my daily word count (or excuses), what I was working on, and whatever other notes I feel like sharing (quickly – they’ll be short entries). I already so this with a friend via email, but I think it’ll be interesting/handy to have it available as a public reference.

So…lots of changes coming, but good changes, for me anyways. Ironically, getting to bed by midnight for a reading session before sleep is one of those changes…and one I’ve failed at miserably just to get this blog post done (it’s just after 1am as I finish this up). Better planning/use of time next week, eh?


Enjoy this post? Support your author:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords
Audible | iTunes

One Thing at a Time

I’ve been pretty overwhelmed/stressed out lately – work, writing, personal stuff, you name it. I have a bad habit of overestimating my…not abilities, exactly, but rather the amount of stuff I’m able to get done in a specific time period. I knew it was out of hand, and that I was pretty much just past the “burnt out” line, but it was really driven home during a trip to our local art museum this past weekend.

We went to see one of Monet’s Iris paintings, which is here until December. You have to understand, I love moseying around museums and such, so I knew I was in trouble (generally speaking) when upon entering the museum, I was so focused on our goal that I was ready to skip the permanent collection and go see what we’d come to see, and then maybe make a quick pass at anything else that looked interesting.

I was in hyper-efficiency mode, which is the mode I have to operate in most days just to get everything done that I want and/or need to get done. Not the appropriate mode for a trip to the museum, and certainly not the mode I want to be in for looking at/appreciating artwork. I was annoyed with myself for immediately jumping to the most efficient way to complete our goal when we didn’t even need a plan at all other than “go enjoy the museum”.

We did go through the permanent collection, which gave me time to relax and remember that we could enjoy the whole museum and still meet our goal without getting all “control-freak” about it. Just take it one exhibit at a time, and eventually we’d see what we came to see, and a whole lot more besides. We had the luxury of not being on any sort of schedule whatsoever, and while the Monet piece was exquisite, the other exhibits were amazing as well. It would have been a travesty to skip them, or even to see them yet not be “in the moment” enough to truly take them in.

Near the end of our time there, we were browsing through the “for sale” gallery and I was sort of mentally bemoaning the lack of ability to afford some of the work I’d have liked to bring home, and I noticed that one of my old art professors had some work up for sale there. “Mindfulness” is becoming trendy again, and I remember that about him – he was always teaching mindfulness – be in the moment, every moment. Don’t focus on the past or future, just be present here and now.

It’s a good way to live, overall. Obviously some planning is not a bad thing, but I tend to get rather attached to my plans, and then when they don’t go the way I’ve envisioned (which is often), it creates more stress. And I’ve been relying so heavily on my plans going the way I want them to that I over-schedule (or rather, just pack things in so tight that there’s no room for deviation), which creates even more stress. None of which allows me to live in the moment, because I’ve created a lifestyle where I am always behind, and can’t hope to ever catch up – it’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

There is no room for being mindful and living in the moment when you’re always three steps ahead in your mind, and five steps behind “on the schedule”.

The natural thing then is to step back, clear out the calendar/to-do list and start over, leaving room for deviation and enjoying life moment-to-moment. One thing at a time. Ironically, that also stresses me out, because there really isn’t much on my list that I genuinely don’t want to do. On the contrary, I have many varied interests that cover all aspects of my life from work to writing to hobbies to personal stuff, and I want to *do them all*. Which is why my schedule is so tight in the first place – I don’t want to give anything up, so I try to cram as much stuff in as possible.

Alas, I have to choose. Prioritize. And realize that there is no way I can possibly ever do and experience everything I want to in life, but especially not all at once. I can’t learn and do everything I want to for work projects all in the space of a few weeks, or even a few months. I can’t write all the books I want to write in the space of a few months or years. I can’t work on all the hobbies I want to within a week, or a month, or maybe not even this year.

It’s a little depressing, and a lot annoying, but there simply isn’t time. And trying to do “all the things” is just going to drive me crazy and stress me out. Knowing I can’t do all the things, and that I have to pare down and prioritize stresses me out too. It’s a major source of angst in my life, and I wish I could say that I’ve figured out a way to make it easier, but I’m still working on it. Letting go of something we really want is difficult, especially when the only thing holding us back is the other stuff we want to do. A rather glorious dilemma, when you think about it.

One thing at a time. One. Thing. At. A. Time.

Today is Labor Day here in the US, in honor of the labor unions who fought for safe working conditions and fair wages back when there were no laws against working your employees literally to death for pennies. My situation isn’t nearly so dramatic (obviously), but it is kind of ironic that I’m basically acting as a slave-driver to myself, pushing hard enough to hurt my physical and mental health while not paying myself nearly enough to offset the damage.

I have a few things I need to work on today (since it’s a holiday and I’m at home), and more than a few that I should work on, but one of the things I’m definitely going to make time for is going over my to-do lists and the calendar and revamping my plans into something more manageable on all fronts. Something that leaves time for being in the moment, even when things go awry and my plans are pushed aside for other things. I won’t be able to alleviate all the stress right away due to various obligations I have to others, but I can at least start to take some of the pressure off.

One thing at a time.


Enjoy this post? Support your author:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords
Audible | iTunes

On Seasonal Angst & Being Content

I don’t know what it is about summer, but it always seems to bring out my angsty/philosophical side in a major way. Or put more basically, I over-think things even more than I normally do. It’s irritating, and frustrating, and I generally end up annoyed with myself and my life for a good majority of what, for most people, are the best months of the year. I know. It’s messed up.

What can I say? I’m a fall/winter girl.

In any case, I’ve been over-thinking, over-analyzing and generally driving myself *insane* for the past few weeks, and it needs to stop (it’s starting to spill out of my head and affect other people, which really isn’t acceptable). I have nothing to be unhappy or discontented about, and in a seriously screwy plot twist, most of my angst comes from having too many “good options” on all fronts – so many that I’m frustrated that I can’t take advantage of them all no matter how I try to work it.

My mom always pounded it into our heads that we could have/do/be anything we wanted to – no limits. It’s a great sentiment that builds confidence and optimism for kids, but ultimately, she was wrong, damn it. There’s a yin-yang balance to life that automatically kicks in whether we want it to or not – and part of that is, whenever we get something, we give something up, and vice versa. I spend way too much mental energy on the things I can’t have due to choices I’ve already made. And my practical/logical side wars with my creative/emotional side far too often for my own comfort (hint: it’s easier – and probably better for the long run – when I let Logic call the shots. Just not as exciting).

Ironically enough, a lot of times when we’re able (or we decide, rather) to be content with what we have, things click into place that allow us to have more than we thought we could. It’s all about state of mind in so many cases – and mine has been spectacularly bad lately. Mea culpa! An unfortunate side-effect of my control-freak nature colliding with my constant desire for variety in all areas of life.

For me, part of my problem is hormones (say/think what you like – but in my opinion/experience they affect more aspects of our lives than we generally want to admit – for both women and men), and the other part is a choice of focus…that is, focusing on the wrong things. I’m getting better at managing the hormonal element through exercise & diet, and the choice of focus…well, that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it?

To that end, my mission this week is to focus on being content with what I have, and to not be so fatalistic about the things that seem out of reach. One never knows what will happen in the future, but being content with how things are now ensures that I’ll be in the right frame of mind to take advantage of opportunities later.

Life is strange and constantly changing. Trite as the saying is, attitude really is everything.


Enjoy this post? Support your author:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords
Audible | iTunes