I don’t know what it is about summer, but it always seems to bring out my angsty/philosophical side in a major way. Or put more basically, I over-think things even more than I normally do. It’s irritating, and frustrating, and I generally end up annoyed with myself and my life for a good majority of what, for most people, are the best months of the year. I know. It’s messed up.
What can I say? I’m a fall/winter girl.
In any case, I’ve been over-thinking, over-analyzing and generally driving myself *insane* for the past few weeks, and it needs to stop (it’s starting to spill out of my head and affect other people, which really isn’t acceptable). I have nothing to be unhappy or discontented about, and in a seriously screwy plot twist, most of my angst comes from having too many “good options” on all fronts – so many that I’m frustrated that I can’t take advantage of them all no matter how I try to work it.
My mom always pounded it into our heads that we could have/do/be anything we wanted to – no limits. It’s a great sentiment that builds confidence and optimism for kids, but ultimately, she was wrong, damn it. There’s a yin-yang balance to life that automatically kicks in whether we want it to or not – and part of that is, whenever we get something, we give something up, and vice versa. I spend way too much mental energy on the things I can’t have due to choices I’ve already made. And my practical/logical side wars with my creative/emotional side far too often for my own comfort (hint: it’s easier – and probably better for the long run – when I let Logic call the shots. Just not as exciting).
Ironically enough, a lot of times when we’re able (or we decide, rather) to be content with what we have, things click into place that allow us to have more than we thought we could. It’s all about state of mind in so many cases – and mine has been spectacularly bad lately. Mea culpa! An unfortunate side-effect of my control-freak nature colliding with my constant desire for variety in all areas of life.
For me, part of my problem is hormones (say/think what you like – but in my opinion/experience they affect more aspects of our lives than we generally want to admit – for both women and men), and the other part is a choice of focus…that is, focusing on the wrong things. I’m getting better at managing the hormonal element through exercise & diet, and the choice of focus…well, that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it?
To that end, my mission this week is to focus on being content with what I have, and to not be so fatalistic about the things that seem out of reach. One never knows what will happen in the future, but being content with how things are now ensures that I’ll be in the right frame of mind to take advantage of opportunities later.
Life is strange and constantly changing. Trite as the saying is, attitude really is everything.