Long time no blog! This is what happens when I decide I need to step up my game, and then don’t have time to step up my game. So, we’re back to the old “personal journal” style of blogging until such time as I…have more time/motivation to change it. I do what I can.
I was making a sandwich for lunch recently and as I stood there with two slices of toaster-thawed bread, I was frozen contemplating my options and the ensuing consequences. I want to lose weight, you see, and I know from past trial & error that my body does not process “processed carbs” well. Also, like a lot (most?) people, I eat way more calories than I burn. Which is why I was standing there contemplating toast for far, far longer than anyone really should.
If I made a whole sandwich with two pieces of bread, that would be far more calories than I needed, but also the wrong type of calories for my body to process. It would taste good and feel good while I was eating it, but I’d be dealing with the consequences for a lot longer.
On the other hand, throwing out a piece of toast is just wasteful, toast never really stores well, and cubing it and putting it in the freezer just means I’ll have the same choice to make another day as I contemplate whether to stuff my body with…uh…stuffing, or not.
My toaster does not do nice things when you only put one piece of toast in. It feels the need for parity, apparently, so defrosting one piece of toast isn’t really an option either. And we don’t eat enough to leave the bread out – it goes moldy and I end up throwing half-loaves in the garbage if I don’t keep it in the freezer.
The simple answer, of course, is to not buy bread, but given that I live with my husband, and he doesn’t have the same hang-ups about bread that I do, and also likes sandwiches, it doesn’t seem fair to make him abstain when it’s my body that has the issues.
And yes, normally I’d have cauliflower rounds on hand to substitute with, but I couldn’t find any at the store when I made my last grocery run. Being asked to wear a mask at the local store that sells them (cauliflower rounds, that is) tends to make me anxious to get back out as quickly as possible, so I don’t look around much if what I need isn’t where it previously was and easily visible.
So there I stood in the kitchen, contemplating toast, waste, waistlines, and sandwiches, pressed for time as always on my lunch hour. No matter what decision I made, there was guilt involved – guilt for wasting food, or guilt for derailing my own goals. Nothing a little planning ahead or creative thinking wouldn’t have solved before I even thawed the bread out…looking back, I could have just spread the guacamole on the ham, wrapped the whole thing in provolone and been perfectly happy. Pressure tends to kill creativity though.
I finally tossed the second piece of toast in the garbage, made myself half a sandwich, enjoyed every bite, and then emailed the new company I just signed up with to come get all my food scraps once a week to compost (since the hubby and I can’t agree on composting methods – I want worms under the sink, and he will only agree to worms if they stay outside). They use a fermentation method of composting, and can take meat and dairy, so if they can take bread as well…then my problems are solved and my guilt is assuaged. *Whew!*
*Note: Yes, the composting company – Swift Buckets can/will take bread. The perfect solution.
Needless to say, I’m trying to let go of the guilt I feel when making decisions to “do, or do not”. I often end up feeling guilty no matter what I decide, and I need to just knock that off.
On that note, no guilt about going back to the personal blog format with all text and rare pictures. This just…is what it is. That’s all it needs to be.