moderation – Jamie DeBree

The leaves on our hibiscus plants are starting to turn, and I think our maple tree is only a week or so behind. I feel like I’m “changing colors” a bit this fall too, trying to slough off some of the old, dead things that have been hindering forward movement. Cleaning out things in my house that don’t “give me joy”, scrubbing the dirt off things that I’ve neglected, and taking care of what I already have are all part of this “phase”, and while other people tend to get motivated to “clean house” in the spring, Fall tends to be my season of reflection, renewal and clearing out the chaff.

“Moderation” is often difficult for me (and I realize that’s a privilege many people don’t have, but I have worked very hard to be where I’m at). I have a hard time not indulging in more food, more plants, more pets, more, more, more…and I’m trying to learn better moderation, not just because I think it’s healthier, mentally (which it is, certainly, and also less expensive), but because the more things I have to take care of, the less enjoyment I get from the things I have, because they all require time and energy. The more physical weight I carry, the less agile I am, and the more pain I have to deal with, plus my chances of developing worse diseases/conditions are higher, which is stressful for me. For my last blood test, I was pre-diabetic, and next year when I turn 50 is the year the cancer gene tends to get triggered for people in my family.

So along with moderating my purchasing and overall consumption of “things”, I’m “moderating” my calories and food intake (menopause has made this more difficult than it used to be), and while I’m figuring that out, I’m hungrier than normal. Once I get my nutrition more balanced, it will be easier, but when the brain is hungry, willpower and motivation tend to be a lot more difficult. I’m reminded a lot lately that nutrition, not just what we eat but when we eat it, has a *lot* to do with how we think. Of course that means it’s not all that easy to make that shift because I’m fighting brain fog and motivational issues while in transition, but I think it’ll be worth it for the long term.

The writing has been difficult this week, suffice it to say. I didn’t realize why until I was writing an email and whining about it earlier, and it hit me that my energy was slumping during my writing time because of this nutritional shift I’m making, and the obvious answer is to make sure I get a small “brain-food” snack after my nightly walk to give my brain the energy to actually work a little more before bed. Walnuts are a very healthy brain-food, so I think a few of those will do nicely. If it works, I’ll have a fall-themed flash story to post here early next week.

I often forget just how much taking care of the body affects how the brain itself works, in a very real and physical way. I get frustrated when I’m too tired, or stressed or whatever to get what I want to get done, done, but so much of that energy and motivational slumping could/can be fixed by just tweaking what I’m eating and when. Seems like that would probably apply to most humans, eh?

Are you making sure your brain gets the nutrition it needs? And are you turning over any “leaves” this fall?

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Happy birthday to me! How’s it going, you ask? Well…

I drank this Saturday night after I spent the morning in the emergency room thinking I had appendicitis (I do not, but given my history and symptoms at the time it was important to find out). Related? Probably not, but it is kind of ironic, methinks.

Late Saturday night, my throat started getting that sore, bumpy feeling. And my nose started running. Needless to say, in spite of my best efforts, I managed to catch the cold going around, though mine has thankfully confined itself to my head. I have been throwing pretty hefty herbal remedies at it, which I think are helping. After two days of not-great-tasting herbal tisanes, garlic pills, annoyingly heavy tissue and menthol use, I think it’s finally starting to break, though my head is still pretty stuffy this morning.

What really sucks is that my husband was going to take me to dinner tonight, and we can’t really go since I don’t want to spread my germs (yes, I know everyone else on the planet seems to have it, but that doesn’t mean I need to share with the few people who have managed to avoid it so far). I think he might bring dinner home instead. Or we’ll eat leftover lasagna from last night (it’s Costco lasagna, but really good).

In any case, at least I already had the day scheduled off work, so there’s that. I’m sitting here at home, comfy on my couch with the dogs snoozing nearby, with not much I actually have to do today but rest and do a quick water change on Fritz’s aquarium.

I did order a couple of new plants for myself last week, and they came yesterday. Isn’t this the prettiest Peperomia you’ve ever seen?

Peperomia “Fuzzy Mystery” from Steve’s Leaves.

I also got this Anthurium, which will eventually live on the hood of my big living room aquarium once that’s up and running. I ordered the stand for it (the aquarium, not the plant) with birthday money from my dad yesterday, so getting closer to setting that up. For now though, it’s happy enough in my little terrarium here.

Anthurium Polystichum from Steve’s Leaves.

Speaking of aquariums, there’s this 54 gallon corner aquarium listed for sale on the Facebook Marketplace for my city. It’s a very reasonable price – probably not even a quarter of what it’s worth new, but still out of my price range, which is probably a good thing. It’s a corner tank, and I happen to have a corner in the dining room where it would look absolutely beautiful.

Alas, I don’t even have the 40 gallon set up yet (though I finally ordered a proper stand for it with birthday money from my dad, which should be here Friday or Saturday), and while it seems like a fun idea now to get the bigger corner tank as well (and I have a very specific centerpiece fish I’d love to put in it), I need to pace myself while getting back into the fishkeeping hobby.

This, dear reader, is what I do. With everything. I get interested in something (or re-interested), and instead of starting small and building slowly, I rush in full-speed ahead, take on too much at once, and then burn out on the long-term maintenance. It’s the “go big or go home” mentality, and I don’t think it’s necessarily a good trait to have, at least not all the time.

It’s why I have so many plants (that admittedly don’t get the kind of care they really should), why I spent several hours sorting unread comic books from the past two years yesterday, and why I have Smurfs covering nearly every flat display area in the house. It’s also why I have books literally everywhere, though at least they don’t really require maintenance, only storage space. And it’s why I have an entire closet in my hall that would normally be used for linens and towels that is completely filled with yarn and thread, because when you crochet, knit, and now needle felt, you just can’t have enough fiber around (but it’s never the exact right thing for the project you want to make *now* – I know I’m not the only one who feels this out there).

In any case, I am *trying* to pace myself with the fishkeeping. It has been a very difficult thing, I tell you what. I am limited at the moment by fundage issues (one of those “must fix” things for this year), which is a good thing, because otherwise I’d probably already have another betta tank and a pea puffer tank already in the works. Plus that 54 gallon corner tank that would require me to get rid of an entire display cabinet worth of tea and Smurf stuff in order to put it in place.

In my current state of fish-addled mind, I’d totally do it, without a second thought.

The thing is, I think it’s good to be forced to go slow with the fish. To wait, and get each piece put in place deliberately with a lot of time for thought, instead of just rushing out and throwing things together until all that’s left is the maintenance – which admittedly, is more fun with fish and less likely to be let go since there are living animals involved, but still. It’s work, and right now, it feels like the most fun thing in the world, but that’s because I only have one tank to maintain at the moment, and there’s a huge difference between cycling and maintenance on one or two tanks vs. four or five all at once.

If I take my time, and get one tank stable before I move on to the next (the Betta tank is almost cycled, so it’s almost ready to go to weekly water changes instead of daily), it will be much easier to know when I hit my comfortable maintenance limit, and I’ll be in a better frame of mind to make decisions like adding another aquarium…or not.

I sort of feel like slowing myself down, and forcing it to be a well-thought out process instead of such a rush will be good for me in other areas too. Like deciding if I really need to bring that new plant home, or add another weekly comic book to my pull list, or buy a couple skeins of that gorgeous yarn because I’ll “definitely find something to make with it eventually”.

And if I eventually set up a tank for a tiny shoal of adorable pea puffers, then I’ll know it was a well thought out, responsibly made decision I don’t need to feel guilty about.

Even if it does make my husband shake his head…

Jamie DeBree

Writer | DBA | Dog Wrangler

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