Articles

Aug 16 2024

Overthinking Overthinking

Author: Jamie DeBree

Hi! I’m Jamie, and I’m an “overthinker”.

It sounds like it should be some rare, mysterious ailment, doesn’t it? It’s not, of course…just ask any anxious or control-freak person out there, and they’ll tell you. Why do we tend to overthink things? I can’t answer for anyone else, but in my case it’s simply fear. Not really fear that the worst might happen (because trust me, I have a plan of some sort for that), but more than one of the myriad smaller things that require more time and effort (and money, sometimes) to resolve will spin out of control.

This actually serves me well at work, where testing and retesting and thinking and thinking again makes all the tech I deal with run better and I end up with less technical “misses” that result in panic-type situations (it happens, and it always will on occasion, but it’s the exception rather than the norm).

Not so much at home, where the top two things noodling around in my head are getting the van ready for our first overnight trip next week, and what to do with the dogs while we’re gone. The van is already way, way over-provisioned for the one-night trip we have planned, and my parents will be coming over to watch the dogs for us, but the details are spinning about the dogs and the fact that I’m very much a night person (it’s nearly midnight as I write this), and my dogs are used to that schedule, but my Mom is not.

I also get up to feed the dogs around 6:30am every morning (I go back to bed on the weekends), which is not something my Dad, who is a night person, would appreciate having to do. My dilemma is whether to have the morning person stay over and possibly have to let Athena out at 1am (when I’m normally headed to bed), or have the night person stay over to make sure they get their late-night snack and another potty break, but also have to get up at 6:30am the next morning to give the dogs breakfast too?

Or should I ask my dad to cover the late-night snack/potty break, not have either of the parents sleep over, and have my mom cover the breakfast shift.

I’ve been going round and round about this in my head, and still haven’t come to a decision, because the consequences of getting it wrong could be nothing, or they could be torn up couch cushions & doors, to say the least.

The truth is, both schedules will probably work just fine, and I just need to accept that I can’t control everything and I am really looking forward to getting out for another drive, some more bookstore shopping (and a museum!), Pokemon in different places, and our first night spent in the van. Oddly enough, the one thing I don’t overthink (and probably should) is travel (though as I mentioned, the van is over-provisioned just because we both like our creature-comforts).

Are you an overthinker? Is it situational, or general? What do you do to talk yourself out of or around it (if anything)?

We are leaving Thursday and back Friday, so there probably won’t be a post next week, but after that, I think it will be time to settle into a more set routine. And I’ve figured out my blockage with my Magpie heroine (who is not an overthinker, to her detriment), so that is moving onward again too!

Until next time,

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Dec 29 2023

Year in Review: 2023

Author: Jamie DeBree

Well That Was…Something.

You may want a snack and a beverage…it’s gonna be a long one. 🙂

This past year has been the weirdest and least productive I can remember in recent history. That includes 2020. Looking back at my resolutions and goals, it was mostly a bust, with pockets of unexpected and redefined success. But that’s not unsurprising considering how much of this past year revolved around medical procedures, including the anxiety leading up to them and various significant side effects after that added to my recovery times.

In many ways, it was a “lost” year as far as doing the things I want/like to do, but for the most part, the medical concerns that have been plaguing/distracting me for the past three years have been resolved and/or explained, which is good. I have some residual issues that will either heal or they won’t, but they’re things I can live with whether or not they improve, so I have zero plans to interact with medical personnel next year with the exception of my optometrist, because I really need a new pair of glasses, and my dentist for the normal preventative stuff (and that’s only ’cause I like and trust him…otherwise I’d be skipping that too, honestly).

On the other hand, I’ve experienced a few significant mental shifts as well, and those are really shaping my perception of the future and what direction I want to take things moving forward. One of my goals was to cultivate better impulse control, which I pretty much failed at. But I’m well aware of it and I’ll definitely be working harder at reigning that in for the long term.

The fact that I made a goal of 6 hours sleep per night is laughable – my sleep has been all sorts of messed up this year with over 12 weeks combined surgical recovery, and even now, some nights I can’t get comfortable. Add the absolute gem of menopause & hot flashes waking me up mid-sleep to the mix, and I’m doing really well to sleep a full 5 hours in any given night…and even luckier if I don’t pinch a nerve doing it.

Needless to say, I’ve given up on sleep goals. I gave up trying to get to bed before 1am as well, and now the “quiet time” I had scheduled for 11:30pm – 12:30am runs from around midnight to 1am. It’s working for me, and that’s a resolution I did successfully keep, which was to spend an hour every night planning for the next day and then reading before bed. So that’s a “loss-win” combo.

Speaking of reading – see that empty white rack in the photo above? That was overflowing with comic books at the beginning of the year. One of my goals (not resolutions) was to read a comic book every morning to get caught up with several year’s worth of back issues, and…that was a resounding success! The only unread comic books I have now are the larger graphic novel formats, a Spider-Man huge issue I plan to read this weekend, and then a few more Spider-Man and Venom issues that are now in my hall TBR rack. Which is where my new issues will all go from now on, because I am officially caught up! Huzzah!

I did not meet my goal of journaling daily, but I did start the year journaling, and I’m ending the year having discovered I like “art journaling” (a cross between traditional journal writing and scrapbooking, basically), and while I don’t have a definite schedule for it (yet), that will continue on into the new year with me.

My exercise goals were thrown way, way off track (and down a hill, as I couldn’t even do yoga for long stretches of time), so that was a complete bust, and I’m both heavier and more out of shape than I have been in quite awhile (currently rehabbing a wrist that atrophied more than I realized during “recoveries”, and then got strained when I started lifting weights again). Alas, there wasn’t really any way to avoid that, so…onward, with more movement in the new year.

As for my writing goals…I started out okay and then with everything else going on, I found myself trying and repeatedly failing every night during my allotted writing time. I just…couldn’t, mentally speaking. It sucked. I found myself seriously considering quitting for the first time in a long time – giving up the business name and packing it in.

Which is where one of the more significant mental shifts comes in, and I’ll talk about that more next week.

Financially, I’m not anywhere near where I wanted to be by now, but…medical expenses. Next year will be better. I also spent more than I should have on things like my rediscovered love of fishkeeping and plants, but I’m not going to feel guilty about that. This year wasn’t a good one, financially, and I’m just going to keep working on it and hopefully have better luck (and less medical issues) in the coming year.

All that said, this time last year, I was in a much worse place, constantly worrying about the near constant pain I was in, anxious about what would happen in the coming weeks, and feeling like a total failure for being unable to focus on anything productive and *yet again* having gone through another year without publishing anything.

This year, I’m in a far better place both physically and mentally, and I’m looking toward the next year with a healthy optimism and plans for making it much more productive. And even without any of the successes above, that would make this year a win.

Next week, my resolutions, goals and plans for 2024. I think I’m gonna need a (new) pair of shades. 😉

How was your year? Did you accomplish any goals you might have had, or learn something while missing them? What are your goals and/or plans for the next year?

That’s it for this week! If you have a favorite thing to share, or want to recommend a book, TV show, video or podcast, comment below, email me at jamie@jamiedebree.com, or catch up with me on Facebook or Instagram.

Jul 28 2023

When Wide Focus is Actually Sabotage

Author: Jamie DeBree

Video of the Week

Because it fits with this week’s theme, and also, it’s fun: Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

One Thing at a Time, Dammit!

I read an article recently (linked below in the recommendations section) that discusses how writing is like long-distance running. I am not (and never will be) a runner of any sort. If something was chasing me, I can’t guarantee I’d take off sprinting – I’m highly likely to hold my ground instead, just because…well, because that’s who I am.

But there’s a point there where the author is pointing out that focusing on getting to the end of a run (or novel) is self-sabotaging, and often leads to overwhelm and burnout. Which is true, and something I knew anyways, but as I read that little bit and started thinking about all the ways I sabotage myself on a daily basis with writing, I realized that it’s not just the writing I do that with. It’s everything, and it’s a habit I’ve had since I was a kid. I always have my eye on the next big milestone, rather than giving proper attention to the smaller steps of the journey.

Between that article and playing Elvenar, which is a serious study in patience and not advancing too quickly (or you’ll get hopelessly stuck), I think I’m doing myself an injustice with that perspective.

As an example, I recently decided it might be fun to get a kick scooter (read: non-electric) to use while walking Apollo (and maybe Athena…but she’s a flightier and has health issues I need to take into consideration). I realized awhile back that the reason Apollo pulls when we walk is often just because his comfortable walking (trotting) speed is (naturally) faster than my walking speed. Being a problem-solver, I figured the solution is for me to speed up, but I can only walk so fast, so…I obviously need wheels, which might be better exercise for me, too.

Lots of thought and consideration/rejection has gone into the decision of what kind of wheels might work (and result in the least amount of personal damage should things go awry), but the point relevant here is that after much waffling, research and review reading/watching, I ordered a scooter. But I also ordered a bike attachment/leash, and spent way, way too much time (time I could/should have spent writing or otherwise being productive) researching all the ways I might be able to use a scooter to walk a dog, the pros and cons of one thing over the other, harnesses, helmets, and all the things needed to get the end result I’m aiming for (Apollo and I getting better exercise in a way that meets both of our needs).

The thing is, I don’t even have the scooter. I don’t know if I’ll like riding it or not, and I haven’t actually ridden a scooter since I was a kid (and even then, it wasn’t mine, it was borrowed, so it wasn’t a regular thing). So aside from a helmet (I have a bike helmet that would work already), literally none of the rest of it matters or will matter until I have a scooter, know I can ride it, become proficient at riding it, and decide I want to ride it while walking (?) my dog(s).

Prime example of me jumping way, way, way ahead of myself, ignoring the small steps that I really need to focus on doing first (and doing well), and just thinking that next week, Apollo and I will be scooter-trotting like we’ve done it forever. Which isn’t reasonable or practical, it’s just impatient.

I’ve done this with a lot of things in life, which means I have to backtrack a lot, because I skip over or otherwise rush through things I didn’t want to do because they seem boring at the outset, but the lessons learned in going through that part of the journey are important or necessary in order to reach that bigger goal.

Now if I could just figure out how to teach my brain to be patient, and gather knowledge and items at a bit more reasonable pace when we start a new “quest”. Or rather to have more faith that I’ll be able to find it when I need it along the way – there’s no need to get everything all at once and stockpile, and sometimes doing so means I get the wrong things and have to redo it anyways.

Writing News

In light of the whole “enjoy the journey” theme, I’ve always just jumped right in with writing, not planning, researching or gathering anything first, but just writing away (my favorite way to write, honestly). Unfortunately, that left me with some drafts that needed a bunch more work than I wanted to put in after the fact. So I’m trying to do more of the planning and researching and plotting ahead of time, but that’s having the effect of slowing me down to the point of nearly-no progress.

I finally had to instate that 150 words per day rule (which I have been meeting, thanks), and just write forward no matter what. I need to figure out a happy medium between plotting too much, and not plotting at all. I’ll get there…it’s a(nother) process. As is editing/revisions. But I’ll figure it out. And I need to focus on what I need to figure out *now* instead of constantly looking forward and longing for the future when I can “retire” to write full time (the ultimate goal in writing for me).

However! In years past when I tried to plot ahead, I’d lose interest in the story fairly quickly. With the Magpie stories, that’s not happening. So, progress!

Recommendation(s)

Here’s the article comparing writing and long-distance running, for those interested. This is an abbreviated version posted on The Passive Voice, but you can click through from there to the full version:

https://www.thepassivevoice.com/what-ive-learned-about-writing-from-long-distance-running/

Apr 11 2023

Planning for Temporary Incapacitation

Author: Jamie DeBree

I’m having surgery next week.

This is something I’d hoped to avoid indefinitely, but…best laid plans and bum genetics (with a little “boisterous young dog” thrown in for good measure) have made it inevitable. Much like everyone else in my family, my gallbladder has given up on our relationship early, so it has to go before it becomes any more toxic.

One of the cool things about being a writer is…this whole experience is story fodder. Not just the surgery, but everything leading up to it, everything that comes after, and all the different emotions and thoughts that are floating through my head right now (along with those that aren’t).

While I’m knocked out, the surgeon is also going to do some exploring to see if he can find the cause of the pain I’ve been having in my lower right abdomen as well. Appendix? Scarring? A twist in my intestine (which would be rather ironic, considering this all started with a big dog paw to the gut)? Hopefully he’ll figure that out too, and if he can fix it at the same time, all the better.

Needless to say, this has me thinking about Advance Directives and a will. Yes, I know this is a very routine procedure (well, the gallbladder removal is), and techniques are such these days that people rarely have issues with it, but letting a group of people I barely know knock me out and poke around in my insides warrants a bit of advanced planning, methinks.

Last time I was in the emergency room being evaluated for a potential appendectomy, they sent someone to give me an Advanced Directives packet, which at the time, I thought might be a little dramatic. But being only a week out from having one of my organs removed has me taking it a bit more seriously.

So, I’ve decided to fill out the paperwork, which consists of a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, and a Living Will Declaration. This will tell everyone what my wishes are if the unthinkable happens, and I end up unable to make end-of-life decisions for myself (Living Will Declaration) or assign my husband the power he needs to make decisions for me in the event that I can’t make treatment decisions for myself (DPOAH). It will also keep people I *don’t* want making those decisions from making them, which is almost more important, IMO.

I thought I should also write up a quick and dirty personal will, just because everyone should have one, regardless of where they’re at in life, but I’ll admit, I’m at a bit of a loss as to how I want to leave things. Most of my stuff just isn’t going to be important to anyone but me, and my dogs are the only things I care about making sure they’re taken care of if I were to suddenly die.

I’m sure I’ll think about it over the next week or more, and maybe eventually I’ll settle on something. It’s not as important to me as the other at the moment, simply because if I die, my husband will be there to take care of the dogs and keep or sell my stuff. But I suppose it would be less of a headache for him if I lined things out anyways.

I don’t think any of us want to think about our own mortality (I know I don’t). But the fact is, none of us are immortal, and things happen that we don’t expect.

Even if I don’t die from the unexpected (let’s hope not, anyways), I also have specific wishes about what happens to me while I’m under anesthesia or heavy medication, and it seems like a good idea to make sure that’s all spelled out and left with someone I trust, rather than leaving it all up to chance for family members to fight over at a time when no one should be fighting (I mean, we all know they will anyways, but no sense in making it worse by not leaving explicit instructions).

Do you have Advanced Medical Directives lined out and on file? What about a personal will? Are you a control freak like me, who wants to make sure people know what you want in the event you can’t speak for yourself, or are you more the “they’ll figure it out” type?

Any bets on whether I’ll see a “real bright light” on surgery day or not (yes, this is a trick question)?

Dec 13 2022

Year in Review Part 1 – The Two Keys

Author: Jamie DeBree

Welcome to my year in review!

No, this isn’t an ad for one of my books, but the title is appropriate here and I like the cover, so I figured I’d use it. Read on for the relevance.

It’s been a crazy year. I’ve done a lot of trial and error on my day-to-day life, a lot of analytics and problem-solving, and a lot of reworking routines, habits and workflows. I wouldn’t say it’s been fun, exactly, but I think it’s important to “refactor” things every so often, and especially so when you’re trying to make room in the day-to-day for more projects.

Throughout this whole process, there were two things that kept coming back into focus as absolutely necessary if I wanted to get anything else done at all. Two “keys” that when turned, unlocked a bunch of otherwise unusable potential.

Those keys for me are Sleep and Exercise.

There were many years I could get by on the minimums for these – especially sleep. But just in the past year, year and a half, I’ve noticed that I need more sleep just to get through a day with a reasonable amount of brain power, and I need more exercise to keep my body functioning at the level I think it should function.

Both of these revelations have been highly disappointing, because neither is something I want to spend any more time than necessary doing. And ironically enough, this year in particular I’ve been more physically limited than normal due to a few injuries, which made staying active challenging, to say the least.

I currently need a minimum of five hours of sleep to be rested, and six is optimal. Unfortunately, as much as I try to prioritize sleep, I’m rarely successful. Part of that is reading right before bed. And then sometimes not stopping, because…reading is fun. But I have no other time to read, really, and if I don’t stop writing soon enough, then…things sort of bleed together. Something I’ll be working on more stridently in the new year.

As to exercise, I’m finally back to regular yoga sessions every weekday morning, walking during my break at work most afternoons, gym workouts twice per week and dog walks three times per week (weather permitting). It’s been touch and go all year, as I got injured twice badly enough to require a workout break, and I don’t gain muscle as fast as I used to. Add hormonal changes into the mix, and it’s been frustrating, but regardless, I feel better and have more energy when I’m regularly working out than not. And the actual exercise sessions give my brain a much-needed mental break from the near-constant problem-solving I do both for work and in my personal life (more on that in a future post).

I’ve noticed that when I sleep enough, it’s easier to make good decisions about everything, including exercise and my health. It’s also easier to exercise impulse control, which is something I’ve gotten rather lax on over the years (to my great detriment). Supposedly, it’s also easier to lose weight when you get enough sleep. I haven’t noticed that, but sadly, you also have to eat less and move more, so…I’m working on the eating part. W

That also ties into the impulse control – when I sleep enough, and do the workouts even when I don’t feel like it, I’m far more likely to make good choices when it comes to food and how much of it I need. It’s a noticeable difference from day to day, and more and more I find myself really wanting to be that person who sleeps enough, and exercises enough to have the “powers” of sharp focus and impulse control at my disposal.

Sleep and Exercise.

Those are arguably my two “life keys” going forward, and the two things I’m going to prioritize heavily going into the new year (and this month too, because there’s no reason to waste a month just because it’s December!).

Is there anything in your life that stood out for you this year as something you want to prioritize going forward?

Jan 25 2021

Change and Patience

Author: Jamie DeBree

Words for the Week: Stress, exhaustion, bloom.

Changing routines is hard. I am trying rather valiantly to switch things up, with moderate success, but it’s slow going considering I have to rewrite neuro-pathways (essentially muscle-memory for the brain) and also actual muscle memory/kinetic energy. But! I was able to get back to the office at 11pm every night this past week, and after comparing the time it takes me to transcribe with the time it takes to just write, and the editing time required after each…I was able to determine that for me, writing the initial draft instead of dictating it, and then transcribing it later is definitely more efficient.

So, no more dictation, though I may use that just for capturing random thoughts to set the scene or details I want to include later. We’ll see.

It also means (given the editing component) that I have a lot of rewriting to do from last year. *sigh* But I can use my dictations as outlines of sorts, so all isn’t lost.

In other news, I’m trying to figure out how to motivate myself to keep up with daily/weekly chores so small issues don’t become big issues. Like the fact that I had to clean out my fridge yesterday and it was completely gross. Or that I routinely let non-dishwasher-safe dishes pile up in one of my sinks, and they sit there for weeks simply because I hate hand-washing dishes so I don’t do them right when they’re “generated”. And there’s the recycling that I don’t take out to the garage, so then I have empty cans and bottles piling up on my kitchen counters making it more difficult to cook.

Laziness is the only reason I don’t take care of these things right away, before that pack of celery becomes goo on a fridge shelf, or before there are so many cans on my counter I don’t have room for a cutting board. I know it needs to be done, I just choose not to take the 5 minutes to do it because I don’t feel like it, or I’m too tired, or just unmotivated.

I’m not sure how to motivate myself to do these things right away instead of waiting until they get to the point of no return (which then requires several hours of time to catch up rather than 5 minutes). I know routine is part of it, so that even when my brain doesn’t feel like it, kinetic energy and muscle memory just pull me into getting it done. I rely on that a lot for daily things, and it works well, once it’s coded into my brain. Re-coding though is…often problematic.

But I need to do something. Keeping up on these things gives me more time overall, and that is what I covet most…more time not doing housekeeping or cleaning chores. I also really hate cleaning veggie goo and moldy leftovers out of my refrigerator.

Am I trying to change up too much, too quickly, between the writing and household stuff? Possibly. I’m impatient with the fact that I can’t make quicker progress, mostly because I’m finally motivated to fix these problems, and it’s stressful going through the change. So I’m anxious to get through the transitional period and to the other side where this stuff just “happens” without so much mental effort.

Alas, “extra mental effort” seems to be the theme of the past 12 months and continues on. So I don’t know why I expect personal growth to be any different.

I did make some monthly goals for writing/publishing, and a plan for reaching those. I may have made them too late to hit this month, but it’s still a solid plan going forward. So there’s that.

I’ve been working on rehabbing my hip too, with good progress. Slow and steady with that…Friday was the first day I could do three sun salutation sets with zero pain. So this week, I start strength training for the muscles in and around my hips, in hopes of keeping any future damage to a minimum. Yet another change where patience is required (or a lot of damage could occur).

And my hair has hit another awkward point of growth…I really am going to have to find a new stylist soon, if only to even up the back and then sort of calm down the flippy-ness of the upper layers. That will be a February project, I guess.

Change and patience. Patience and change. Two things I am quite weary of at this point, but with enough patience and time, things will stabilize and get easier. It sometimes takes awhile, but they always do.

Eye on the prize, and all that. *sigh*

Jan 11 2021

Unfocused Short-Term, Focused Long-Term

Author: Jamie DeBree

Words for the week: Perseverance, Begin, Success, Intention, Pain, Content, Confusion

It’s been a crazy week, and I’ll admit my focus got seriously fractured round about Wednesday the 6th. I’d like to believe it’ll get better (and it will, eventually), but I suspect it’s going to be a month or so before things quiet down on the political front. Yes, I’m following, even though I don’t discuss politics online. This is a turning point for our government and country, so of course I’m paying attention. We all should be.

I’ve been off work since last Thursday, burning extra vacation hours and healing the latest session on my Medusa back tattoo. Friday I took basically the whole day to write out and redo all of my routines, in order to accommodate my yearly goals. I still need to create schedules and deadlines for my writing, so I have an idea of how much I need to get done in a day, week, month, etc. And then…then I should be ready to move forward, finally. I feel good about that.

My writing class is done, and I’m itching to put my new knowledge into practice, but I signed up for several more that I can take at my own pace. So I need to figure out when to slot those in as well. I’m excited to take them, and expand my knowledge.

I’ve been easily distracted lately, which is probably a sign of both the times and hormone imbalance. I don’t think women give themselves enough leeway for changes in their bodies, because we’re taught to just “tough it out” and keep acting like nothing’s wrong. Thing is, even if nothing’s wrong and it’s just a normal up or down, I don’t think we should have to deny who we are and the physical challenges that come with it. My body is aging and it’s going to do that whether I want it to or not – why can’t I just acknowledge that some days, I’m not going to get as much done as I’d like, and *that’s okay*? I need to work on that – on giving myself permission to have an “off” day here and there, when my brain isn’t focusing as sharply as I’d like it to.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want for the future – what my goals are for ten years from now. I like my job and the steady paycheck/insurance/pension that comes with it, but I freely admit that the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted to be was a full-time writer. I’ve never thought I could make enough money solely as a writer, but in ten years, I won’t be eligible for social security, but I will be eligible to take county retirement early, because I started with the county so young. Given that, and the fact that I’ve found a way to learn writing that is giving me new confidence, I think I’ll work towards the goal of being established enough as a writer in ten years to retire from the county and write full-time. I’ll be 55 then, and that seems like a good point in life to make a major career change to self-employment, barring any major issues that come up between now and then. And hubby will be either retired or ready to retire by then, so we could retire together (easier for traveling!).

Ten years seems like a good amount of time for planning and preparing for such a big step. So that’s the first goal deadline I’m setting. Now I’d better work backwards, and set the goals and deadlines that will get me to that point on time. Goals are good, and this one’s been in the works since I was 16 years old. It’s good to feel like the dream might actually become reality.

Time to plan!

Dec 15 2020

Humbug

Author: Jamie DeBree

I don’t really understand how the first couple months of this year flew by, and then time pretty much stopped from March until December 1st, and now, this month is flying by in some sort of weird warp speed as if even the calendar has given up and said, “screw it, we’re all done here.”

I wouldn’t mind so much if I was actually ready for Christmas, but I’m not, so…a pause button would be appreciated while I figure out how to catch up. I’ve had a hard time getting in the mood (that’s not a new or abnormal thing, it’s just…me), but I need to get there and fast, or…well, there is no “or”, I guess. I just need to get done what needs to get done. Like finishing my gift shopping and figuring out which cookies to make and how many this coming weekend.

I need to get my cards sent out too…this week. I need to call a plumber about a minor/slow leakage situation we have going on, so I think I’ll take whatever day we can get someone over for that off work, and work on catching up and getting organized then.

I have new curtains coming for the living/dining room and kitchen this week as well – thicker velvet thermal curtains to keep the cold air more at bay than our current fancy window dressings do. It would be nice to at least get the front curtains swapped out, since those are at my back when we’re relaxing in the evenings.

Did I mention I’m taking an online writing workshop in the middle of all this? There was a sale, I feel like I really need to work on adding depth to my writing (which is the very focused topic of the workshop), and that’s how I ended up doing a writing assignment for the second week of class this past Sunday night instead of writing a blog post (well, that and not reading the calendar correctly – I had one more day before that assignment was due, so…my bad). It’s already straining my brain, which is both good and bad – good because I obviously need it, bad because…well, it’s yet another thing to sort of stress over at the moment. But at least it’s a stress I *chose*, rather than one that was just flung at me. So there’s that. And hopefully I’ll be a better writer afterwards, which is the main/exciting goal.

All this to say…I’m not really overwhelmed, just unmotivated and uninspired for the holiday. Maybe (hopefully) as I get my cards out and get closer to finishing my gifts up, I’ll feel a little more holly-jolly. We’ll see.

Oct 19 2020

Best Laid Plans…and a Whine.

Author: Jamie DeBree

I feel like all I’m doing lately is planning. Revamping routines. Trying to figure out how to do things more efficiently and get my day-to-day life under enough control that I don’t feel so…adrift.

It’s my way of dealing with the stress of this crazy year. Control as much as I can ahead of time so that when the out-of-my-control issues hit, I’m more mentally able to deal with them. I’m telling you right now…it’s only partially working. I still feel like I’m in a constant state of adrenal overload, and when those other things hit, it’s just one more thing on the all-stress, all-the-time channel.

Most recent on the “more stress” report (or maybe just more disappointment, for this one), we got a ton of snow this weekend (the “broke records/up to my knees” variety). It’s not going to be melting anytime soon either – cold and more snow are forecast for the whole next week. We normally get snow in late October, and often on Halloween (it rarely even sticks), but this is early, and the record we broke for the snowfall amount was set in 1949.

I like snow, and it’s really not that cold, but our landscaper was going to try to get started on our front yard mid-October…which is now. Or next week. Regardless, they can’t work on the yard (or dig it up) if it’s covered in snow. Unless the weather is really nice in November, we may be looking at spring before our landscaping project gets done. Dammit.

And of course we’ve done zero decorating in the yard for Halloween, because…landscaping. We can’t do any decorating until the landscaping is done, or until it’s officially pushed back to spring. So we’re too far behind to do anything big in the decorating realm, which is about the most annoying thing ever with Halloween actually being on a Saturday with a full moon this year.

We will still be handing out candy bars (full-size) to anyone who comes to the house, but the decorations may be extremely sparse because…2020. Yes, we’ll be wearing masks and gloves.

*sigh* Two and a half more months. Will things start looking up at the turn of the new year? One can only hope, but I’m betting more on next July.

In the meantime, I’ll be over here futzing with plans and tweaking routines and working to find something to blog about other than plans, lack thereof, and the cyclone that is this entire year. There has to be something more thought-provoking I could share/opine on.

In fact, that will be my next planning challenge. More interesting blog posts from now until the end of the year.

Though I can’t promise no planning posts in mid-late December. Because…resolutions.

Oct 05 2020

Weariness, Planning, Hair, & Granola Culture

Author: Jamie DeBree

I think it’s safe to say we’re all tired of the pandemic. I’ve heard from more than one person lately that they’re just tired of it all, tired of thinking about it, tired of the mask thing, tired of staying away from people. They’re ready to throw in the towel and go back to just living life normally, letting whatever happens, happen.

We humans do tend to have a painfully short attention span, unfortunately.

I’m tired of thinking about it too, and tired of masks, and constantly analyzing whether my sneezing fit is caused by smoke and fall allergens, or if it’s the dreaded Covid monster. I’m not really tired of staying away from people, but I am tired of having to think before going to dinner, or planning a night at the movies three weeks in the future – will our infected rates be going down or up by then?

But, I’m not going to stop taking precautions just yet. Yes, we have some very promising treatments, and the mortality rate has gone down quite a bit. We are less likely to die from it now than we were a few months ago, just because doctors and scientists are more informed, and have several really good treatment options they can employ right away.

Thing is, they still don’t know what causes some people to react worse than others to the virus, and the long-term effects are still a possibility for anyone. And frankly, I’d rather not put my body through that if I don’t have to. So as tired as I am of all of it, I’ll keep masking up inside and around large groups of people. And I’ll keep evaluating case loads and numbers before I decide whether or not to do something. Because it seems like the responsible thing to do, both to avoid getting sick, and to avoid giving it to someone else who may be affected badly by it.

If you think that’s “living in fear”, well, sure it is, to a point. I’m allowing fear to make me cautious. And in this case, I’m okay with that, because the potential threat is still largely unknown. That’s what our innate fear response is for – to keep us safe. I’m merely listening to mine, because it seems logical/practical to do so.

Last week I posted about focus and planning, and I’m happy to report that on that front, really good progress was made. Every night, I took 15 minutes and made to-do lists for work and home, and then I scheduled all the things I needed to get done (and could reasonably expect to do) for the next day. Not only did that make my entire day a lot easier and less stressful, I was far, far more productive, even with a million different interruptions. It felt good, and I’m definitely going to keep that up. It was so…refreshing to be able to just know what I wanted to work on when, and be able to kind of just put the rest of it out of my mind because I *knew* it was already scheduled, and that I’d left plenty of time to work on it, so it would get done and I didn’t need to stress about anything.

I did, however, fail to do any planning whatsoever for the weekend, and…that kind of hosed me up as far as productivity goes. I’ll be more mindful of that for next week, and actually schedule those planning times on my to-do list so that maybe I can have a little more control over my weekend as well.

As for my hair-growth project…it’s kind of stressing me out. It’s at the point now where it’s just going to be difficult to manage for the next few months, and my confidence is waning. I’m having trouble with the idea that it might affect the way I’m treated, both at work and in other social situations. I’m excited at the prospect of having more versatility again, but there’s this voice in the back of my head that’s afraid to just ignore what people obviously respond well to (my short hair, in this case), just because I want something different.

I just remember how things changed for the better when I cut it off, and I’m afraid all that will revert as my hair gets longer (especially in this stupid grow-out stage when it’s just going to be unruly).

We’ll see, I guess. I can always chop it back off, if I find that I just need that coiffed-pixie look again. When I cut it off before, it was mainly for other people. Now I’m growing it out for me, but I’m keenly aware of the perks that come with keeping it short. It’s…difficult to do what I want when I know that the option that serves me better both socially and in the workplace is something different.

I guess it’s like my tattoos all over again, in a way. And I maybe just need to keep reminding myself that once it gets past my shoulders, I can just wear my hair up whenever I need that “short-hair” boost, and then be free to leave it down for myself evenings and weekends.

Am I superficial for spending so much brain power on my hair? Sure, I guess. But honestly? I’d rather worry about that right now than all the other more serious things I could be anxious about.

For my next personal change of 2020 – I plan on buying some flannel shirts, and re-embracing the granola culture I spent my college years in. Not because I want to go back to college (definitely not), but because it’s comfortable, and it feels more like “me”.

I can’t decide if I’m “devolving” or “evolving” given that I’m basically going back to who I was in my 20’s. I guess the real question is, do I care? The answer right now is, not enough to stop. We’ll see what happens as the months go on.

Rest assured that whatever happens, I will never wear socks with my Birkenstocks. And I don’t even own crocs. I do still have *some* standards.

Writer | DBA | Dog Wrangler