Jun 27 2023

Call In the Robots!

Author: Jamie DeBree

Photo of the Week

Rhubarb crisp I made this past weekend – one of the most perfect deserts ever, IMO, and equally as good hot or cold!

About This Whole Artificial Intelligence Thing

Artificial Intelligence: the theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making, and translation between languages.

Articles about AI are everywhere, with the advent of ChatGPT and the rise of other large language model based programs. And of course everyone is familiar with the legal and ethical issues surrounding how they were “trained”. Much hand-wringing has ensued, which is to be expected, and in some cases I’m sure it’s warranted, but not all. The courts will figure out the legal stuff, and I really don’t expect it will change much about how the tech is used or available on the public/user side.

The cat is out of the box, so to speak, and there’s no shoving it back in now. I am a bit leery of creating/using AI generated images until those copyright issues are all worked out, but I’m not all that worried about text, especially since I have no plans to actually publish anything written solely by AI (because it really wouldn’t be good enough, and also, I just like writing).

People are always scared of new technology, especially when they don’t understand how it works. Which is fine, and not an implicitly bad thing (it’s good to be somewhat skeptical), but at the same time, I think it’s easy to overlook the exciting things that new tech, and this new tech in particular, can do to make certain tasks easier.

I am a tech person – I work with databases and scripting queries, creating reports, moving data around for logical organization, and things of that nature. I was a web developer for sixteen years before that. So while I haven’t worked with this AI in particular from the development side, I have a pretty decent understanding of how it works in the background, and while I understand the instinct we have as humans to look for the “humanity” in everything, I also understand the limitations of the algorithms used in these programs, and that in the end, it’s still just a computer program that will respond based solely on the information you give it. It’s not truly “intelligent”, hence the “artificial” preface. It can only do what we tell it to. So the results are only going to be as good as our requests, which is as it should be.

All that to explain why I’m really not all that scared of AI, and I’m actually pretty excited about what it can do to make my life easier, especially in terms of writing (and writing code, too).

Just this past weekend, I started playing with ChatGPT. I watched some YouTube videos by authors who have been using it for all sorts of things, but the most interesting to me was taking an idea, writing and refining a synopsis, and then actually having ChatGPT create an outline, which the author then refined to suit, and then creating scene and chapter outlines (also refining after those).

I have been trying to force myself to become more of an outliner/plotter, because it makes writing by dictation much, much easier if I know exactly what I need to write (dictate) on any given day. Pantsing is much more difficult with dictation, and also, I really think my writing will be better with some advanced planning (read: there will be less major revision needed). I’ve been writing a lot of unorganized story/background/plotting notes for my recent drafts, and this is where I think ChatGPT could be really useful for me. If I can put my notes into it, and have it create an outline for me that I can then tweak to fit my vision of the story perfectly (or nearly perfectly), that would save me a *considerable* amount of time and effort, and get me that much closer to my goal of writing with an outline.

Could I do all of this without AI? Of course – writers have been “just writing” for ages (and before that, sitting around telling stories verbally or in pictures). Some writers still prefer to write with pen and paper (I do that too for micro or flash fiction, sometimes). As far as I’m concerned, things like ChatGPT and Sudowrite are just more tools to add to the desk, and I’m totally going to take advantage or anything that leaves me more time and energy for the thing I like best, which is actually telling myself the story.

So…AI for outlining and organizing my thoughts (ChatGPT), dictation with AI transcription (Dragon Anywhere) for getting words down because it’s far faster than typing or writing longhand, an AI editor (ProWritingAid in Dabble) for cleaning up the dictation and making me think about what might need to be rephrased as I go, and an AI “writing partner” (Sudowrite/ChatGPT) to help me with revision ideas (description, tone, whatever else I feel I need more work on) and to stimulate my own learning as I revise. Then my human editor (Carol!) can focus on telling me where all the plot holes are, which is something AI simply can’t do…yet.

**And no, none of this post was written with AI. I don’t really know how I’d even do that with blog posts, given mine are normally thoughts and ideas that I work out as I’m typing. This post was actually about three times as long when I started, and required several revision passes to make it short enough to be “internet palatable”. And I’m pretty sure it’s still too long…but that’s sort of my “thing” (along with ellipses).

Recommendation(s)

The Nerdy Author videos on YouTube are my favorite as far as AI discussions and tutorials go. If you’re interested in writing with AI, I’d highly suggest you check out his channel, and these videos in particular:

Brainstorm an Entire Novel in 1 Hour

Is AI Writing Cheating? My Honest Opinion

That’s it for this week! If you have a favorite thing to share, or want to recommend a book, TV show, video or podcast, comment below, email me at jamie@jamiedebree.com, or catch up with me on Facebook or Instagram.

Jun 22 2023

Game Therapy

Author: Jamie DeBree

Photo of the Week

My Elvenar Elven city: “Bitteroot”

On Stress and Gaming

Last week was very stressful, mostly because a lot of things happened that I didn’t like/couldn’t control. I tend to be a control freak, and not being able to change what/how things were happening was…well, I let it stress me out more than I should have. It didn’t help that it wasn’t just one thing, but several different things spanning both work and personal life, and it all just seemed chaotic and frustrating. This week has been better, but still not awesome (hence the lateness of this post).

I could have screamed, yelled, and possibly gotten my way on a few things, making everyone around me miserable in the process. And my attitude certainly wasn’t what it should be, by any means. But instead of going postal, I did what anyone who enjoys playing games tends to do, and downloaded two more titles to my phone (I prefer gaming on my phone, because I’m too lazy to boot up a console or get my laptop from the home office in the evenings).

I didn’t realize it was a coping mechanism at first. I saw a couple titles I’d been interested in for awhile, and my brain latched on and decided that it was time to finally try them. I play Pokemon Go almost daily, but I’ve been playing for awhile (has it really been 5 years?!), and you really have to get out and about to play that for any length of time. The two I downloaded (Elvenar and Merge Dragons) are “sit down and grind for task completion” sort of games, with strategy and puzzle-solving as the “grind”.

Once I realized that I was using the games as a coping mechanism, I started to wonder why. They’re two completely different games for the most part, but one thing they have in common is clearly defined long-term goals and shorter daily tasks. Completing the short tasks is what seemed to ease my stress.

A dopamine hit, obviously (due to the rewards gained for task completion), but also completing tasks “closed the loop” and made me feel like I was in control of “something”, however small or insignificant. And much of my stress was being caused by other people not closing the loop or finishing things the way I thought they ought to be completed (that’s not to say what they did was wrong, necessarily, it just wasn’t what I wanted or thought *should* be done).

In short, being in control of what happened in the games (yes, I know that’s an illusion, but my subconscious brain doesn’t) made me feel better and more able to ignore what I couldn’t control in the real world while I tried to figure out what (if anything) to do about it.

Now that I’ve calmed down a bit and figured out how I want to proceed in actually dealing with most of the various stressors, I’m already scaling way back on Merge Dragons (I find a lot of repetitive/matching games boring pretty quickly). I don’t actually have a lot of time for gaming, and my eyes really can’t handle all the screen time I’ve been putting in for this little mental “temper tantrum”, so I can’t keep up this sort of gaming “pace”.

I’ll continue playing Elvenar for awhile at least. It’s more of a “jump in, complete a few tasks, and jump out again” type long-term strategy game, with lots of different content to keep it fresh.

All in all, I think the discovery process of the last week and a half has been interesting, and I always see this sort of introspection as good “research” for future character development. So, aside from the strain of stress and irritation, win-win for me.

Writing News

I didn’t write much last week – I didn’t really have (give myself) the mental space, what with all the stressing out and gaming. But I did do something I think is equally important. I went back through all my various notes on the Magpie series, and reminded myself why I want to write it. I also started sort of building an outline, which is something I normally don’t do, but I feel like I could really benefit from changing up the way I write – at least for this series.

There’s just so much I’ve already thought out, and that means more to keep track of from the outset. I like “just writing” and seeing what happens, but I do not like getting to the end of the draft and realizing that I didn’t find the actual story until I got to the end. Rewriting an entire story is…daunting, to say the least. But, so does outlining, in a different way, so…just coming at it from a different angle.

So, I’m going to try a different process, and see how it goes. I have the Plottr software, and the writing software I currently use has a plot grid outline included as well. I think I’ll use Workflowy for most of the outline initially (I use Workflowy for pretty much everything note or planning related), and then move it into whichever formal outline “spot” seems like it’ll work best.

I also went back through some notes I have on a few short-story collections I want to work on. I’m going to spend a little time each week on those, because I can’t work on just one project all the time, or I get bored. So that will be a good compliment to/break from the Magpie world.

Now I just need to set some reasonable deadlines. I’ve been letting myself just “skate” for too long now. It’s time to get busy and actually get some books written and published again.

Recommendation(s)

I just finished reading The Portrait by Antoine Laurain. It’s a fun and kind of twisted little tale by a French author (translated – it’s been a long time since I could read reliably in French). It’s a short book big on drama. If you can find a copy, I think you’ll find it very intriguing.

Jun 13 2023

New Perspectives

Author: Jamie DeBree

Photo/Video of the Week

This used to be a very fun, very solid round bank building. Then it was our Sheriff’s Office for awhile, and it’s been empty for a few years now. They’re tearing it down to put in more employee parking. My parking spot is on the far side of the bus transfer center directly behind the construction site (by that tan building in the background).

The Long Way Around

My day job is in IT, and while what I do specifically is mainly organizing data and making sure it’s available to the people who need it in a format they can use, the requests and environment are often very chaotic. It’s difficult to set and keep any kind of schedule, which drives me nuts on a daily basis.

Chaotic environments make my head chaotic too, and it takes a bit after I leave the office for my brain to settle down enough to be productive and/or creative on a personal level. My parking spot is two blocks away from the building I work in, and the most direct route is right out the north doors, east up the sidewalk past the parking lot behind our building, across the street and up one more block – half of which I normally cut across the bus transfer station to shave off a few seconds.

But with the recent construction on that second block over, the sidewalk I’d normally take is closed, and crossing the street to the other side is sometimes a very frustrating experience, as the traffic is steady during the day, and the crosswalk is invisible (or may as well be). So while I still go that direction after work when traffic is pretty well gone, earlier in the day, I go a block south around the Federal courthouse that sits kitty-corner to our building across the alley.

The route I normally take is busy and bustling with people, cars and noise. But the sidewalk in front of the federal building is a completely different environment. Pedestrians are few and far between, the sidewalk is wide and empty, the building blocks a good deal of the noise from the other side, and I’ve found it to be far more calm and relaxing than the more direct route just on the other side of the block.

Isn’t it odd how different two sides of the same block can be? I may keep using the alternate, quieter route even when the construction is done (at least until it’s so cold I don’t want to go “the long way” around). Considering they’re just going to make another parking lot in the spot where they knocked the building down, traffic, noise and bustle will only get worse over there after everything is done.

Now I just need to figure out how to trigger the writing part of my brain to turn on as soon as I round the corner in front of the federal building on the way to my car.

Writing News

I got some editing done last week, but no writing to speak of. It was a crazy week at work, and I was often running late both leaving and coming back for lunch, which means I didn’t feel like I had the time to set up for dictation (to say nothing of bringing my brain into writing focus that quickly).

I need to figure out a good way to get my head switched faster from work to writing & vice versa. Set myself a mental trigger of sorts. If I could switch faster, it would be easier to jump into writing as soon as I get to my car. Interestingly, while I wouldn’t want to be looking at my phone and trying to navigate the busy side of the block, walking on the calmer side of the block I could get my phone out, open up Dragon, and skim through my last dictation session while walking to my car.

I do believe I’ll try that today, actually.

Recommendation(s)

We’re currently watching the second season of Joe Pickett on Paramount Plus, which is a series based on the novels by C. J. Box. I haven’t read any of the novels, but the series is definitely intriguing, and the main character somewhat of an enigma. If you’re looking for something to watch, I’d definitely give this a try. I may pick up one or two of the novels just to see how “Joe” in the books is similar or different to “Joe” on the screen.

I just started playing a couple of games (Android, because I’m usually far too lazy to play on a console or my computer). Merge Dragons is engaging and fun, and the lower spending levels aren’t out of line for gems and such. I’ve spent a grand total of $4 so far – I always like to buy a few inexpensive things here and there from free games I enjoy, to “pay” the developers a bit.

And Elvenar is a city building strategy game that I’m quite enjoying as well. It also has some lower level spending tiers, though I haven’t purchased any of them yet due to all the resources you get just for starting.

More on why I play games and what I get out of them in a later post, but if you’re looking for a couple to try, I’d recommend both of these. They can both be played on PC as well.

Jun 05 2023

Call Me Goldilocks

Author: Jamie DeBree

Administration

I’ve been re-jiggering my schedule lately, in no small part because I’m having trouble finding the time to finish and post these blog posts (I have plenty started). My mental bandwidth has been a bit lacking lately, and I’ve been working on moving things around in my weekend schedule so I can work on blogging and such then, when day job projects don’t intrude so heavily on my non-work time.

Being able to write these posts on the weekend instead of in the evenings should ensure that they don’t conflict with writing time, and also that they actually get done and posted. Like this one!

Photo(s) of the Week

I was going to just post one, but…that wouldn’t really be fair to the other one, would it? Athena was being her adorable self just begging in the kitchen last week, and Apollo insisted on a hoodie to go out and pee, because he melts in the rain (I don’t blame him – I do too).

Too Tall, Too Short, Just Right?

A few years ago, we bought a new bed. No, I can’t remember exactly how long (pre-2020), but we went in to buy a new mattress because we’d been sleeping on the one my husband’s grandparents had, and it was worn out and hurting our backs (as you might imagine).

We bought the new mattress and box spring (foundation? There are no springs…just sayin’.), and while I was paying for that, hubby wandered over in to the furniture area, and found a bed frame he loved. So, he bought that too. I remember feeling like the salesperson was going to say something about the mattress when we were checking out, and then when he realized we’d already bought a mattress set, he decided against it.

Once we finally got everything home and set up, we realized that with the frame, the standard 9 inch box spring, and the extra thick mattress, the bed was *tall*. As in, higher than my waist. Up to my ribcage. So tall I had to actually step onto the side rail of the frame before I could literally crawl into bed. I’m not tall, but I’m not exactly short either, at 5ft 4in.

The mattress was also much firmer than the “test mattress” at the store, which we learned later is a sales ploy they do, and then when you call to complain that it’s like sleeping on concrete, they tell you to sleep on it for a month and it will break in. Needless to say, it took a good six months and a 4 inch thick mattress pad before I could sleep comfortably on that mattress.

But I digress.

I thought about getting a step stool for my side of the bed, but never quite got around to it. Then after my surgery, I realized I couldn’t actually climb up into the bed with the swelling. Nor could I “roll” into bed, because it was just so high. Once I finally decided I’d slept on the couch enough, I put a stool by the bed so I could stand on that, turn around, sit down and roll into bed like you’re supposed to after abdominal surgery (who knew?).

The thing about having a stool next to the bed, and that stool being on the same side of the bed as the door is that both you and the person who has to walk around the bed to get in and out the door have to remember the stool is *there*. When you’re half-asleep, especially. There were several incidents involving the stool, toes, shins, and me just plain forgetting where it was when I tried to roll off the bed, and nearly missing it (which would have hurt in several ways).

So the last weekend in May (about a week and a half ago), we finally decided to take the box spring/foundation out from under the mattress. For the time being, we figured we’d just sit the mattress on the bedframe (which consists of three narrow slats running horizontal between the two side rails, plus a headboard and footboard). If that worked, we’d get more slats to put underneath it in the frame.

While we both appreciate not having to actually climb into bed (and hubby no longer feels like he might fall and injure himself if he rolls too far), now it’s too short. It sits far enough into the frame that it’s nearly impossible to tuck the sheet corners under (it’s extremely thick and heavy), and when hubby sits on the edge, it compresses down so his legs are on the side rail.

So, the bed has gone from being too tall, to being too short. Plus it sags between the frame slats at the moment, so the support is…somewhat odd.

I did a little research, and apparently there’s a “low profile” box spring/foundation that is only 4-5 inches tall. I took a tape measure in, measured 4 and 5 inches above where our mattress sits now, and I think that would be about the perfect height. They’re around $150 each, so affordable, but it’s been raining so much over the past week and weekend that our truck hasn’t dried out enough to actually go get one (yes, it would come wrapped in plastic, but the amount of rain we’ve gotten isn’t trivial – there’s a lot of flooding, and I wouldn’t want to risk getting water anywhere near something like that).

Hopefully things will dry out enough soon that we can go get a proper, low profile foundation for our mattress, and be done with this whole “Goldilocks” experience. Though I have to say, it did give me a few story ideas. I should probably keep the receipt for the new foundation – I might be able to write it off on our taxes as a “research” expense if I actually write something related. Silver linings!

Writing News

I got a couple of good dictation sessions in last week, but that’s about it. As I mentioned, I’ve been using up my brainpower on day job projects, and it’s a struggle to switch gears fast enough to dictate, or to focus enough to even edit late in the evenings when that happens. But, things should be leveling out a bit to not require so much intense thought now for awhile, so hopefully I’ll be able to make good progress for the next few weeks.

Recommendation(s)

We just finished watching two Netflix Original Series that were really good! If you like thrillers about government agencies and political espionage, check out The Night Agent, and The Recruit. The Night Agent especially is phenomenal – very well written with a few twists I didn’t see coming (something that doesn’t happen often). The acting is very good, too. But they’re both very engaging, and the characters are fascinating – especially Max in The Recruit.

Have you watched either of them? Let me know what you think!

May 18 2023

When Being a Jerk Works (Underwater Edition)

Author: Jamie DeBree

Life Lessons

Last weekend, I went to the local fish shop (LFS). I was looking for some schooling fish and a honey gourami for my 38 gallon aquarium (currently home to Drizzle and Dazzle, two lovely but reclusive little plecos). I ended up with a school of eight Pristella tetras (aka X-Ray tetras), and a Blue Paradise Gourami who the shop owner assured me would be fine with the tetras.

Eddie the Paradise fish is a jerk.

I mean, he’s not, really. He’s just doing what fish like him do, instinctively. But he’s definitely not fine with the tetras, unless you consider “fine” chasing them one by one and keeping the whole school mostly pinned down to one corner of the aquarium.

I did some research (which I know I should have done *before* bringing him home), and found out that paradise fish are quite notorious for being big bullies in the tank to any fish smaller than they are (and some that are larger, too). Eddie is still very much a youngster, so he’s about the same size as the tetras at the moment, but that doesn’t seem to matter. He wasn’t making contact…yet…but the writing was on the wall. He chased and terrorized the tetras for the entire day and a half he was in that tank.

Much like some people (me), paradise fish prefer to have their own space, and they don’t typically like others in that space. They are not good community fish on the whole, and best kept either by themselves, or with other peaceful fish bigger than they are (if they know they can’t win, they won’t try to fight – which is smart, methinks).

So, Monday night, I took the husband shopping with me (because I’m still not supposed to lift over 20lbs), and got Eddie his own 20 gallon bachelor pad, complete with a pirate ship, skeleton with treasure, and sparkly quartz rocks. When I got home, I set it all up, filled the tank, added a bunch of plants, and the next morning, Eddie moved out of the big tank and into his own little “paradise”.

Eddie needed his own space, and in his case, being a jerk worked (it worked in the big tank too, just to the detriment of the tetras, who are now much happier with him gone).

Which got me thinking…being a jerk works for humans too, when we want our own space. But it tends to work very well and for quite a long period of time, so it’s definitely a tool best used sparingly.

Unlike Eddie, we can use words (polite ones, even) and just tell people when we need space. Handy, especially when we’d like to preserve relationships.

Writing News

I think I jinxed myself last week – it was such a good, productive week. This week has been markedly different, with much business at work that’s been hampering my ability to get in the proper headspace to dictate during my commutes.

Still, I’ve been noodling out one of the main plots of Magpie Shiny, which involves a legend and traditions passed down through generations. It also involves an ancestor’s journal, which is a story all on its own. So…a few things to work out there, but very interesting to think about and several different ways I can take it going forward.

In the Garden

Spring is really springing up all over around here, and we’ve had a fair amount of rain, which is helping things right along. I got most of the rock yard cleaned up a week and a half ago, but last weekend it was too rainy to work outside. This weekend, I plan on getting all these rudbeckia cleaned up, and I’ll pour some aquarium water on ’em for nutrients too.

Then we just need to get some bedding plants, and possibly a hummingbird feeder for the arch, and the front yard will be all set for summer. Oh! And liners for those steel tubs. I have some solar-powered fountains to run in them…if we can keep them full of water, I think that would be a nice juxtaposition against the rocky terrain.

Recommendation

If you are a fan of historical romance, you’ve probably watched (or at least heard of) Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton series. Well, last weekend, I watched the first episode of Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story. Shonda Rhimes wrote the screenplay, and man…there was so much relatable emotion just in that one episode. If you haven’t already, do check it out while we’re all waiting for the next season of Bridgerton.

May 09 2023

Back to Variety (Pages)

Author: Jamie DeBree

Administrative

It’s been a bit of a journey with this blog lately, and a strange few years with different names, focus, topics, etc. The only thing I haven’t changed is the actual site template, which really needs a big update.

All that notwithstanding, I’m coming around full circle, and going back to the original Variety Pages name (only with my name attached, so no one can be confused about whose pages they are). Because that’s what this is. A weekly blog/journal/discussion on a variety of topics that I find interesting, and some of which other people find interesting as well. That’s what this blog started as, and it really does suit better than anything else I’ve come up with so far.

So, back to the original name, and I will even be going back to a version of the original format, wherein we have a few different general headings each week that include different sub-topics (they may be different headings from week to week). All nice and organized-like.

Thank you for sticking with me through all the changes and iterations of this online “home” of mine!

Favorite Things

This is my parking space at work, and that, dear readers, is a beautifully fragrant flowering tree that I absolutely adore, even though it makes my sinuses swell up in about ten minutes flat (sometimes less). I breathe in deep while I have the chance, and savor the scent every spring. It’s definitely one of my favorite things. What is one of your favorite spring things?

Story Bits

I’ve been working on Magpie Shiny again, but the other day, I did a little writing exercise just to get the creative juices flowing, so to speak. Whether something will come of it, I’m not sure yet, but here’s what I came up with as a story-starter:

Sarah Martinson sat barefoot on her front steps in ragged cut-offs and a dirty white tank top, beer bottle in one hand, the other wrapped around her blue nose pitbull, Marty. A straggle of greasy hair fell across the left side of her face as they watched the sun set behind the lake. The lower it dipped, the tighter Marty pressed into her side. She knew he felt it too – the fear and dread that came every night at dusk, when the wolves started to howl.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept at night.

I really do want to know what happens next. So I dare say I’ll be visiting Sarah and Marty again soon.

Recommendations

I listen to podcasts while I’m making dog food Sunday nights, and this past Sunday, I was listening to The Creative Penn on writers and the future of AI. I thought it was a great episode, and presents a very thoughtful and practical view of what AI tools could mean for writers and writing as both a profession and an art form. Take a listen, and let me know what you think! https://www.thecreativepenn.com/2023/05/05/ai-assisted-artisan-author/

And for those of you who just want a fun bit of escape this week…look no further than the sport of Rabbit Show Jumping. Seriously – it’s a thing! There’s a video – watch! https://youtu.be/mZ0UzQOC1kg

Apr 26 2023

A Personal Horror Story

Author: Jamie DeBree

Have you ever woke up in so much pain that you literally could not move a muscle – or even cry out for help?

That happened to me this past weekend. Twice.

You may recall that I was scheduled for gallbladder removal surgery last Monday, and I went into it with a pretty positive attitude. Every single person I spoke with including my family members said it was no big deal, I’d be back at work in a week, not much pain for recovery (they all know I have a high pain tolerance), and no more near-constant pain on the upper right side/right shoulder blade. It seemed like a good deal.

I also had been having some “mystery pain” in the lower right side of my abdomen that no amount of imaging could manage to figure out, so I asked the surgeon to take a look at that too, and see what he could find.

I went to sleep, they did their thing, I came to not feeling too shabby and the oddest thing that happened the whole time we were there was the nurse not being able to find my husband who was sitting in the waiting room the whole time (the surgeon found him just fine, so?).

All told, they ended up removing my gallbladder, my appendix, repositioning part of my bowel near my appendix to straighten out a fold in it, and they found a hernia while they were in there too, but didn’t fix it because the risk of infection was too high with everything else going on.

If you’re gonna take your car to the shop, might as well get a good tune-up, right?

I felt good the first night home. Made sure to drink lots of fluids and get up and move once an hour or so. Took Tylenol and Advil and didn’t feel any need to fill the oxycodone script they’d given me. I felt good the next day too, and reasonably well most of Wednesday, though by Weds afternoon, something definitely wasn’t feeling right.

I’d had issues getting in and out of bed – my bed is very high, and we have a thick mattress topper, so it’s very plush too. I’d had to do some gymnastics to get out before I gave up and started sleeping on the couch, and I had sore spots I was kind of worried shouldn’t be sore. The nurse I spoke to Weds encouraged me to definitely call the doc if any of the pains got worse.

By 4:30pm that day, I was doubled over with cramping waves of pain across my whole torso so bad I could barely move. I thought I’d done some sort of internal damage at that point, so I tried calling the surgeon’s office, and when I couldn’t get anyone there, I had my husband take me to the emergency room.

I laid in an ER bed, unable to get control of my breath while they pumped me full of morphine and IV fluids, and two docs told me that what I was experiencing was something called ileus, where the intestines don’t “wake back up” after they’re frozen during anesthesia. They said it normally goes away on its own in a few days, and chastised me for not taking the oxy that was prescribed, saying I wouldn’t be in pain if I was taking the right painkillers.

Opioid painkillers like oxy can cause constipation, so I wasn’t sure how taking those would be helpful if my gut wasn’t working right already, but I figured they’re the docs, so I’d get my prescription filled and see what happened. They gave me more painkillers and sent me home, still in pain.

The next day, I got the oxy prescription along with a stool softener script to go with, and took one of the oxy pills right away. As far as I could tell, it really wasn’t helping the pain at all, which was confusing. I got up and moved as much as I could, but it was hard even sitting down and standing up at that point. When I spent most of the night uncomfortable and getting no use from any of the drugs I was trying to take, I called the surgery department the next day.

The nurse was very kind and sympathetic, and she told me how to combine the oxy with Tylenol so it would work better. I felt okay after talking to her, and for awhile the pain was better managed. But I was getting more constipated by the day, unable to eat solid foods, and while it wasn’t so painful, it was clear nothing was actually helping the problem. During the day when I was up and about, I was okay. Saturday night, I woke up at 3:30am to some of the most intense pain I’ve ever felt, and after being stuck in my spot on the couch waiting for the wave to die down, I crawled on my hands and knees to the kitchen and pulled myself up to the counter just to get more painkillers.

No one I’d ever talked to had said anything about this. I didn’t go back to sleep that night – I couldn’t. And the next night, I tried sleeping in bed with my head wedged up at an incline, and woke up at 2:30am, writhing and panting and unable to either navigate the softer mattress to get up or call out to my husband just inches away. Finally he woke up and helped me get out of bed, and get drugs, and stayed with me until I was breathing normally. I went to the couch after that, but I was too uncomfortable to sleep at all.

Monday morning, I was at my wits end, and I sent a message through the clinic’s online portal explaining what I’d been going through, and that the painkillers really weren’t helping, and I really needed another option like, now, because I was almost out of pills and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted all that in writing, because sometimes, a “paper” trail is good.

The surgeon’s nurse called me back, and she basically said my insides were still frozen, and I needed to stop the oxy immediately *because it can also cause your intestines to freeze*, and buy some Citricul (powdered fiber) and Miralax (a powered laxative). She told me how she wanted me to dose them, and said I definitely had to get my intestines moving asap. I agreed, of course, and thanked her.

Then I hung up the phone, which I’d been using while bracing my forearms on my kitchen counter because I didn’t have the strength to stand up, and I broke down. Yes, I cried (it’s a very, very rare thing). I could not imagine doing even one more tiny thing like ordering the things I needed with Instacart, and I could not believe that for the past several days, on the advice of licensed medical personnel, I’d been contributing to my own suffering, and now I had to rally myself *again* in order to reverse the issue.

I did take one more oxy after my little breakdown, because I literally could not see how I was going to deal with the pain for another hour or two when I could get what I needed. I knew it was contributing, but by that time, I didn’t have any other way to cope.

So, I did what a lot of us do, popped a pill, and then got my stuff ordered and waited for the delivery.

I have to say, the turn around has been pretty amazing. Monday night, I felt better before I even went to bed (though I did lay on my left side, because that’s supposedly the best way to keep gas bubbles from forming in your chest, which is what I think has been waking me up at night). Naturally, getting out of bed once Monday night and twice Tuesday night was…well, I think I pulled one of my incisions a bit too hard getting out of bed.

But the point is, the distention in my stomach has been reducing ever since, and I finally feel better than I have in a week. No pain killers needed.

I am angry, though, that for an entire week, I tried to get help, and I tried to impress upon several different medical professionals that something wasn’t right or normal, and the majority just told me to take more pills (or take them better). What a truly bad and sad commentary on our medical system. I lost nearly a full second week of work to this problem, but more than that, when I was in all that pain, I couldn’t do or focus on anything except how much pain I was in, so I couldn’t even properly advocate for myself. I know my pain tolerance, and I know when something can’t possibly be normal. I did try to tell people that, but I had no real energy to fight with.

And sleep. I’m more than a little annoyed that now, when I go to bed, I’m afraid to go to sleep because I am deathly afraid of waking up to that torturous pain that I was just…stuck in. I do have a wedge pillow now that I can use until that stupid upper incision heals. It’s not doing so well at the moment, but honestly, I have no intention of asking a nurse or doctor about it at this point. It doesn’t look like there’s a hernia around it, so I’m just going to take care of it myself. I’m really not trusting medical professionals as a whole at the moment.

Last night, I slept mostly through the night for the first time in a week. I got up this morning, I was hungry and made breakfast, read a couple of comic books, got dressed, put some dog treats in the dehydrator, texted my mom to bring over the spare wedge pillow they had, and chatted with her for a bit. The nurse navigator called, and I caught her up on all the goings-on, and requested a work release for Friday. I just need one more day to get some decent nutrients in this beat-up body of mine so my brain can function like it needs to while the rest of me actually heals.

This afternoon I need to top off my aquariums and do the budgeting/bill paying I couldn’t get done last week because…issues. Tomorrow I’ll do a small load of laundry (don’t fret – I have a grabber-thingy to help), and see if I can get my earrings back in (my cartilage piercings haven’t ever been out this long).

Also…RIP to my dear, departed gourami – King Louie. I don’t even really know what happened, because…*waves hands everywhere*, but the poor guy didn’t survive while my attention was elsewhere. 🙁

Now…onward to more healing and hopefully far, far less medical intervention. I’ve had enough of that this year to last a lifetime.

Mar 28 2023

First Quarter Well-Fillers (Reading/Watching/Listening)

Author: Jamie DeBree

This is going to be a bit long, so you might want to get yourself a nice beverage and get comfy.

I’ve been doing a much better job of protecting my nightly reading time this year, and I’m actually finishing books! Yay! So I thought I’d do a quarterly report of what I’ve read/am currently reading, in case you see anything you might like. I’ll also add what I’ve watched or am currently watching below, in case that’s of interest as well.

Two of the novels below are first person narratives, which I didn’t used to enjoy at all. I’m finding I have more tolerance for them the more I’m exposed, though they still aren’t my first choice. As storytelling changes, I find I have to as well, as more authors are using first person these days, and I’ve been experimenting with writing in it myself (as one of my pen names) just to keep up. Jury’s still out on whether it will be a long-term thing for me or not.

I’ve read two novels this quarter, and am well into a third, all of which are engaging and entertaining in their own ways. Here are my thoughts on each, with no spoilers (because that would just be wrong).

Bloodless by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

I love pretty much everything by these guys, though I’ll admit, I had a bit of a hard time getting into this one. It seemed to move slower at the start than normal for them, though the pacing at the beginning did match the overall “deep south” vibe. It definitely picked up toward the middle, and raced to the end. And it was very intriguing to finally learn more about Constance, such a long-running enigma in this world.

There was one side-plot that both took me aback, and made me squint a bit at the pages. I’m still not sure I’m completely on board with it, and…well…I may never be. The ending is also a big “huh?!” moment, that could and should have major implications on the series going forward, so I’m anxious to see how that turns out in the next book (The Cabinet of Dr. Leng). Which I have to wait a year for, because it’s only out in hardback and I hate reading hardbacks. Stupid publishing idiocy.

All of You by Elisa Lorello

Elisa is currently one of our local authors and a huge Duran Duran fan, so I picked this music-themed romance up at our local bookstore expecting a nice band-oriented romp, and instead got an orchestra of emotional angst that built to a crescendo of growth and healing for the characters. I was up late more than once for “just one more chapter” because I wanted to know what happened next.

If you love angsty romance, music, and some comfy pop culture references for those of us who are a bit older, grab a copy. I think you’ll be surprised at how much depth it contains. Or maybe not, if you’ve read Elisa’s books before.

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

I haven’t read The Martian yet, though I know we have a copy somewhere. This one was close to the top of my TBR pile, so I decided to give it a go. There’s a lot of mystery in the beginning, that could easily get frustrating in a hurry, but Weir does a great job of not letting things hang too long before moving the story along. I’ve just reached a somewhat confusing point where I go back and forth between hopeful and hopeless as the story bounces around the timeline, and I’m compelled to keep reading not just as a reader who wants to see “what happens next”, but also as an author who is insanely curious where the story will end up, from a craft/storytelling point of view.

We’ll see, for sure. I just really need to set an alarm to put the book down in time to get ample sleep…because that hasn’t been happening lately.

The Comic Book TBR Project

You may or may not remember, but one of my resolutions this year is to get through the insane stack of comic books in my “to be read” pile. I sort of stopped reading comic books sometime in 2019 (due to a lot of stress going on at the time), but I never stopped amassing them (I have a pull-list with my local comic shop that I go retrieve every month or so). To meet my goal, I’ve tasked myself to read one comic book before work every weekday, and I’ve been succeeding admirably with that (two on days I take off work). It also tends to start my day on a more creative note than just thinking about everything I need to get done, so win-win there!

That said, here’s a run-down of my progress on the various series I read:

Harley Quinn: Issues 71-75, 1-10 (next run)
I’m not digging the artwork on this particular run. The story is okay, though not awesome, but the artwork is really detracting, in my opinion. But, it makes for a quicker read, since I’m not overly concerned with taking in the details of every panel. So there’s that.

Deadpool: Issues 4-10, Issues 1-3 (current run – caught up, yay!)
I love Deadpool. I love Jeff the Shark. ‘Nough said.

Daredevil: Issues 18-30
This is a very philosophically deep run of Daredevil, with a lot of moral and ethical pondering by both our hero, and Electra, who is filling in for him temporarily. It’s very thought-provoking, and the art style is gritty and very well-matched to the story.

I Hate Fairyland: Issues 1-3 (current run)
If you like an insane amount of “so dramatic it’s obviously not real” blood-spatter, and the constant juxtaposition of overly-sweet with horribly-sour, this series is for you. Start with the first one though, not the current run (you can get them in book-form too). You need the background of the first runs to appreciate the current one. You’ll either love it or hate it – there’s no in-between with this one.

The Amazing Spider-Man: Issues 25-35
When I first started reading comic books, I was doing research, because I thought it would be fun to write a novel about the owner of a comic book shop (McKenzie Saves the World). I also wanted to know if I was potentially missing out on something great. I wanted to pick one major superhero to follow, and after reading a sampling of the big ones (Batman, Captain America, Superman, Spider-man, etc), I settled on Spider-Man. I’ve been reading ever since, and while the plot goes a bit wonky occasionally, for the most part, I enjoy the web-slinger’s more casual attitude about his odd life and I appreciate the off-beat humor at inopportune times. This run has an interesting plot going, but the recent issues have been in the 2099 mini-crossover-series and it’s…a bit weird. Maybe because I’m not really reading much of the other comic series involved. Luckily, it’s only a few issues and then back to normal, so no biggie. Happens all the time in comics.

Venom: Issues 1-11
This run seems very…Gaiman-esqe to me. It’s sometimes confusing, and I really don’t know if I’m enjoying it or just hanging in there because I’m curious how the writers are going to get themselves out of the seriously loopy weird symbiote loop they’ve gotten themselves into. We’ll see, I guess.

Predator: Issue 1
I read this as a trial run…it’s the current series. It was okay, but not really my thing. I don’t plan on getting any more.

Two Graves: Issue 1
This was a one-off trial run too, and I’m interested in reading more, but by the time I got back to the comic shop, they didn’t have any of the subsequent issues. I might see if they can order the rest of the series in for me when I go this month. The art style is really nice, and the story is quite enigmatic.

TV/Movies

We’re watching quite a few series at the moment, and honestly, I’d recommend all of them. I love it when there’s so much good TV on! Here’s what we’re currently watching, divided by where they are so you can find them if you wish:

CBS/Paramount +
NCIS, Season 20 (and yes, we’ve watched them all!)
The Equalizer, Season 3
Picard, Season 3

Netflix
Shadow & Bone, Season 2

Disney +
The Mandalorian, Season 3

As for movies, we haven’t watched anything super-exciting lately, but we are definitely planning a date to see John Wick 4 in the near future.

Music

Not much to report here, except that I am looking forward to getting copies of Theory of a Deadman’s Dinosaur and Pop Evil’s Skeletons very soon. I think I’ll get them on vinyl, and hopefully a digital copy as well. We also have two new LPs from Vinyl Moon to spin. Now that the storage unit project is winding down, we should have time to do that very soon!

Now it’s your turn! What are you reading, watching or listening to? Anything noteworthy? Comment wherever you’re reading this, or reply to the email – I’m always looking to add to my “To Read/Watch/Listen” lists!

Mar 21 2023

An Hour Lost, An Hour Gained

Author: Jamie DeBree

There’s been a lot of change going on in my sphere lately. As the title says, it’s not all bad, but it does tend to require a lot of extra physical and mental energy to deal with. As I’m sure you could tell by a few of my last posts, it’s been frustrating, but the thing about “things” being upended and changed is, there’s lots of opportunity to change processes and routines for the better.

With the introduction of three new aquariums and their respective inhabitants over the last couple of months, my schedule on Sundays has been a bit…cramped. I knew taking on the new pets would add time and labor to my schedule, but I’d hoped to schedule that in on Saturdays, and currently my Saturdays are all about the storage unit clean-out project. So, two new time-consuming things added at once to my already full weekends has equaled a very sore back by Sunday evening and no time to breathe if I want to get all the essentials (like laundry, vacuuming and dog food prep) done.

I’ve been floundering a bit, because I know I’m going to have to schedule gallbladder removal surgery for sometime this spring/summer, and also that the recovery time from that will be around 6-8 weeks of light duty/no heavy lifting. And I need to finish getting everything out of the storage unit by April 1st, but even after that, I still need to deal with everything that was in storage and is now in our house.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally hit that point where you stop, breathe, and either cry, or force yourself to take a look at things from an entirely different direction. I was making dog food Sunday night as usual, after a long weekend of normal chores plus the extra added physical activities of moving boxes and cleaning aquariums, and my back was *killing* me…which it doesn’t normally do until *after* I’m finished with the dog food (admittedly, the gallbladder issue is getting worse, which affects my back too).

In any case, after a full weekend of everything else, the last thing I wanted to do was spend two hours making dog food. I also do not want to buy dog food, given Athena’s allergy issues. I kept asking myself how I could speed up the process, and the answer to that is…I can’t. There’s no way to make large quantities of meat cook faster, scientifically speaking.

However, I was listening to a podcast at the time, and I honestly don’t even remember which one or what exactly was said, but something one of the hosts said made me stop, think, and consider that maybe speeding it up wasn’t the solution. It didn’t need to be faster, it just needed to happen while I was doing other things.

Why that never occurred to me before is anyone’s guess, considering I spend most work days either figuring out how to automate things or maintaining automated processes already in place. *facepalm*

The solution actually turned out to be slowing down, in order to automate more of the process. I had sort of thought about this before, but I hadn’t gone quite far enough with it.

When I started making dog food, I’d put the squash in the crockpot to cook. But it took a long time, and it was a lot of effort to cut the squash into small enough chunks. So I switched to baking the squash in the oven instead, because it took less time to prep, and I could just bake it in the afternoon, turn the oven off and leave it there until I was ready to pull the other ingredients together that night.

I’d considered doing the ground beef in the oven as well, but then I’d have to remove the squash from the oven first (can’t fit both at once), and that would have affected everything else going on for chores, so I was just frying up the beef in four batches on the stovetop after I combined all the veggies and squash, which took around an hour every Sunday.

What I hadn’t considered is just putting the ground beef in the crockpots, and letting it cook for several hours while I was doing other chores. Ground beef doesn’t need any prep – just toss it in and go, stirring it every so often to make sure it cooks evenly. I have a three-pot crockpot unit, and I can’t quite fit all the meat I need into those three crocks, so I did order another crockpot to use, but I tried the new routine out last week just cooking the leftover beef in the oven while I mixed everything else together, and…it cut nearly an entire hour off the time I actually had to stand in the kitchen working on dog food. As a bonus, with the meat portioned out in smaller amounts, it’s less weight to move at once, which will make it easier to deal with while I’m recovering from my surgery.

My back would have cried in happiness had it not already been wailing in pain.

My point in all this (aside from whining about my back) is that all too often, we think a routine or process simply can’t be tweaked any further before we’ve actually looked at it from all angles. Troubleshooting is my day job, and I still manage to allow myself to get stuck in routines just because I’m so frustrated and stressed that I can’t see any other way of getting a certain task done. I give up too early when I’m in that mindset, and a lot of times, all it takes is a step back, and a bit of time to let my mind “breathe” to find a workable alternative.

And more often than I care to admit, I have to be pushed to the breaking point before I allow myself that mental space to think. Which is a shame, really, considering the time and adrenaline I waste on all that.

The irony of this particular situation is that on the same weekend we “lost” an hour to the time change, I managed to “find” an hour by doing one task more slowly with automation.

I’m working on applying the same basic principle to my writing times and routines. I have actually been writing again this week- not much, but I’m getting some words in, and that’s what counts. I’ve been on hiatus for too, too long.

Blog posts, regular fiction writing, and newsletters. Those are the three things I want to focus on as far as writing and publishing goes. And having that extra hour on Sunday nights will directly affect that, as Sunday nights are when I like to schedule my blog posts and such for the week. So that will work out perfectly.

What’s the last problem you solved by going slower, rather than faster? Is that still working pretty well for you?

Mar 14 2023

The Ides of March & Corned Beef

Author: Jamie DeBree

I got to thinking about Shakespeare’s quote in Julius Caesar this month: “Beware the Ides of March….” I was wondering about the origins and background, so I looked it up, and found this interesting article from The History Channel. Check it out, if you’re curious too. Not terribly ominous, though crazy things do tend to happen on a full moon.

It’s been a busy month, and despite my best efforts, I find myself struggling to get done what I want to get done. Moreso than normal, I mean.

The storage unit clean-out is nearly done, and it looks like this weekend should be nice weather for another load or two. I think we’re down to the last three…one for the dump/electronics recycling, and two more to the house. I’ve not been going through boxes like I’d hoped to, so they’re all stacked down in the basement, but at least they’re easy to get to now.

I will be very happy to be done with the weekly moving trips. My back will be much, much happier too. Of course there’s the sorting and disseminating stuff that needs to be done after, but I plan to designate Saturday nights for that going forward. One box a week should get it done…well, by the end of the year, at least.

Last week I had a HIDA scan to check my gallbladder function, and…turns out, I have none (as in, the results said “no significant function”). So, I’ll be getting my gallbladder removed at some point this spring or summer, which will set me back a bit in terms of the 6-8 week recovery period, but it will be worth it once everything is healed.

But to prepare for that, once I know the date, I’ll need to work on stocking up on dog food and figuring out ways of getting things done that don’t involve lifting over eight pounds (roughly a gallon of water) for a few weeks. Yet another annoying challenge, but, eyes on the prize, right? I’ll be home for a week or so, probably, which will give me time to write and work on writing-related things, which could be very good if I take advantage of it.

As far as writing goes…I’m not. I want to, and there’s no real reason I can’t, I’m just…not. I have a whole bunch of excuses, and none of them are good or even really valid, because the honest truth is, if I was motivated enough or wanted to badly enough, I would get it done.

I’m working on it. It’s a mental thing, and I think one of my biggest issues is having so much going on between my health and the storage unit thing and daily life and incredibly busy weekends where I have pretty much zero downtime…I don’t really have the mental capacity for being creative at the moment. Whenever I get a free moment or three, I’m so tired or just tapped out mentally that I can’t seem to find that flow.

This is temporary, or that’s what I keep telling myself. I want to write, I do. I want to get back into my Magpie stories and find out what happens next. I just…can’t right now. I need a break, a reset, a few days (or even just hours) when I’m not trying to solve problems *and* I don’t have to interact with people. I’m going to try to take a couple days off this weekend. One of those has to be for taxes, but the other is going to be for relaxing and trying to regain my bearings, so to speak.

In any case, I did find a way to lesson the amount of hands-on time I spend making dog food on the weekends, so there’s that. Small victories, right?

And corned beef day is coming! I may only be a tiny bit Irish, but I do love some good St. Patrick’s Day food. Corned beef for dinner Friday, beer cheese and sausage soup tonight for dinner, and a Reuben casserole will be on the menu at some point as well, not to mention Reuben sandwiches with the leftovers this weekend. Yum!

I was curious about the origins of corned beef as well, and found this article in The Smithsonian that is interesting, sad, and enlightening. Needless to say, I approve of the Irish love of pork and bacon for their main meats. Mmm…bacon.

Are you a fan of Irish-American food? What’s your favorite treat for St. Patrick’s Day?

Jamie DeBree

Writer | DBA | Dog Wrangler

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The Ides of March & Corned Beef